Are you about finished?

This isn't a dream. Nor is it an illusion. Bags really is in the gym. When did the little guy start going to the weight room?
He's sitting on a flat bench. The barbell rests to his left. There's not an impressive amount of weight on it, but it's not woeful either.
Besides, the point is that Bags is in the gym. Don't get tied down with details.

During my short time in this company, I've been on the receiving end of many strange looks.

Bags gives a brief nod of acknowledgement before rubbing his hands together slowly.

In that spirit, I really must thank you, Zillionaire Jones.
It's rare that I've been viewed as the stable one in an encounter.
You know how people can be. Judgmental pricks, the lot of them.

Yeah, you of all people know where I'm coming from. Assuming you're capable of such high comprehension, which I shouldn't do in this case.
There. Now, I'm the judgmental prick.

Can't be helped. What is wrong with you???
I'd wait for an answer, but none of us have enough time to cover that much material.
We'd miss the show, for certain, and I'm looking forward to giving you a proper welcome into the hallowed walls of ELITE.

Sure, I'm a former bag boy, while you're the...

Bags coughs.

King of Albania.

Where did you pull that from anyway? Albania?!

Bags shakes his head. His expression is difficult to gauge, falling somewhere between disgust and confusion. There might be a splash of indigestion, as well.

Listen, you raving freak.
Even if I'm willing to pretend for a second that anything you said is actually true,
Or that any of it makes any sense whatsoever, what does it matter?

Does your... rather unique background give you some sort of edge? What is so special about you that warrants such a warm reception from the clueless asshats who run this company?
Is there really that big of a demand for mildly amusing loons on acid trips?

No way!
I don't care if that's what the idiots in charge think the fans want. Fans are stupid. Hell, they're nearly as bad as the morons calling the shots.
Almost.

I'm not going to let this happen. Zillionairemania is dead before it got started.
You're just one more comic reject for J-Crew to chase out of this place. I'm not going to go back to being a joke.
I won't let you drag us back down to your level.

Do you understand?
Should I wait a moment for you to take your meds before I continue?

Allow me to clue you into a few simple facts.
But first. Did you take those meds?

Do it. I'll wait.

Bags whistles a tune that sounds annoyingly like something you'd hear in an elevator. Why isn't any music playing in this weight room? Bags has much to learn.

Time's up. I've got to get back to my workout, so I'll keep this short and simple.

You and I area about to fight.
Sikes is going to absolutely love you. Seriously, it's going to be disgusting.
Fortunately, I'm not going to have to listen to it, so I've got that going for me.

Here's the important part, so listen carefully.
I am going to kick your loud, annoying ass.
In the long run, people are going to appreciate it. You never will, but I don't give a damn about your feelings, you insipid waste of carbon.

If you show up again, I'll do the same damned thing until you finally get the message and go away.
I'm putting the over/under for that at sixteen, but I've got time.

And one more thing, Zillionaire.
Chuck Norris does not wear Zillionaire Jones pajamas.
Don't be stupid...er than necessary.

Everyone knows that Chuck Norris wears World of Warcraft pajamas.
That corporate slug will shill anything for a few dollars.

I freaking hate WoW anyway.
I used to play Age of Conan, but got bored with it. MMO's suck.
Chuck Norris sucks.

You suck.