Ugh! I am so tired of this crap.

Bags is angry. His hands are balled up into tight fists at his sides. His face is scrunched up into his best scowl. Most telling of all, his face is red. He's indoors, so that likely isn't caused by the cold winds of Canada.

Time and time again, I get overlooked. I am the greatest thing to come out of NSFW. I am the best wrestler to ever come out of Canada!

I am one of the greatest of all time!

But what does that get me?
Do I get Universal Championship matches?
Hell, do I get any opportunities at all?!

I'm not a joke!
And I'm not Joshua's sidekick!

I'm freaking Bags!!!

Nothing is given to me. I've had to scratch, claw, and chew my way up the ladder just to get here.
To get here! And look at me!

They stick me in the ring with no talent retreads like James Kash, and that's when they see fit to stick me into matches at all.

Screw that!
And screw them!

I'm not even sure who is calling the shots these days, but whoever you are... Screw you!!!

I'm done waiting. I'm through messing around.

My quest for respect and dominance begins in Ottawa.

You see. My match against the newly signed Zillionaire Jones is no accident. It wasn't thrown together randomly... like so many of my other matches... Lazy ass bosses...

Oh no! I asked for this match. No. I demanded this match!

If this company believes that it can bring in yet another hot shot wrestler with a stupid name and give him the opportunities they've denied me for so long, well, those ugly suit wearing bastards have another thing coming.

Listen closely, kid.
You're looking at the guy who's going to put an end to Zillionairemania before it ever gets started.
I'm going to face you in the ring, beat your stupid head in, and then bag up the shriveled, ruined remains of your brains to keep as a trophy!

I'm gonna hit you so hard that your dad's going to suffer testicular bleeding!
And if he's already dead for whatever reason... well...

Bags scratches his head.

Well, if he's dead, he's probably not going to feel anything. Not much I could do to him at that point.
But living or dead, if he's watching, he's going to be sad and upset! He might even cry!
Think about that for a minute!

Actually, now that I think about it, your dad probably is dead, isn't he? Kind of takes the zing out of some of this rant. Oh well... I can still salvage this

Your dad's going to cry, and you won't be able to do anything to comfort him, because I'll already have caved in that annoying head of yours!!

And well... because he's already dead. You couldn't have done anything anyway.

But doesn't that make me even more evil? Think about it.

I make dead people cry!

That's pretty scary.

I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, Zillionaire, if that's even your real name... and it isn't, so whatever.

How about this?
Once I'm done caving in your skull and collecting whatever I find inside, I'm going to steal your beard!
Yep. That's what I'm going to do.

Just because it's pretty cool looking. I always wanted a tough guy beard. With your blood on my hands, and your beard on my face, the sky will truly be the limit for my career.

I'll be Universal Champion in no time!

I'd say that you can bank on it, but who trusts the banking system anymore? Screw them too!

Zillionaire Jones, you'd best be afraid, because I've got this match... and your beard IN THE BAG!!!