ELITE TV - ELITE - European League International Television Entertainment http://elite.zmannzilla.com/categories/elite-tv/feed.rss Wed, 22 Feb 12 12:27:05 -0700 ELITE TV - ELITE - European League International Television Entertainment en-CA Canadian Invasion 5: Calgary http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/92/canadian-invasion-5-calgary Sun, 29 Jan 2012 09:28:54 -0700 monk 92@/discussions
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The crowd goes nuts!  Canadians jump around everywhere, cheering and clapping. Shouting and waving their arms around like crazy people. That's just how we like it in ELITE. Absolutely insane.

More pyro threatens to get the company fined for excessive explosions, and for the fire hazard involved.

The camera finally stops on ELITE's award winning commentary team, a duo of such significance that they're officially known as cultural icons in sixty-three countries.

**Sikes and Dan intro**


Well,
look who it is. The baddest artist on the planet. It always becomes so
much more tense when we're in his presence, no? Not surprisingly, he's
standing in a corner painting away. Nedved smiles as he notices the
camera and then begins to speak in that grim tone we're so used to by
now. 

Zillionaire Jones, the time's come to put away childish things, namely your crayons and markers. The time for carefree doodling's past; the mood's gotten darker. 

As ominous clouds hover over your kingdom, will you become a voluntary exile or stand firm and watch your Kingdom burn before your eyes, Jones? Unless you flee, you'll be treated to the sight of my deft hands smashing your teeth and shattering your bones. 

That is, until I put our your eyes. Don't say I didn't warn you - brace yourself for a most morbid demise.

And then we cut to...

Joshua Jones is walking around in his street clothes, when he stops and looks up toward the camera.

I don't even know what the heck I'm doing here tonight. My lawyers have been on the phone all week trying to get me out of this one. I value my life and I value my friendships. Yet, here I am stuck in the middle of this gigantic mess thanks to ELITE management. Now I've got a psycho as a partner and I have to compete with him against a man I consider a friend and Profit. Well I hope for everybody's sake Sabre's taking his medication because I'm going to warn ELITE management right now...if that guy goes nuts tonight and I get hurt, we will be changing the name of this company to...

Will Sabre walks into view. Dressed in his ring gear, his signature shades, and black leather cowboy hat. He takes a long drink off a cool beer he has in his hand as Joshua Jones takes a few steps back. Keeping his distance.

Jones looks around nervously but Sabre only stares at him intensely.

Hey
man, look...I know we where supposed to compete last week but after
what you did to Profit my team felt it was best if I stayed out of the
middle of all that mess.

Guess that didn't pay off did it. Cause now, the way I see it, you're right in the middle of it.

Yeah,
I guess so. So um...since we've got to team up and stuff pretty soon I
better run on back to the locker room and get dressed. Maybe we can
catch up later before the match and talk strategy and stuff. You know
get on the same page.

Sabre
smirks as he takes off his sunglasses. Once his shades are off he uses
his free hand to slap Joshua Jones through the face. Hard. The man reels from the shot but quickly recovers his face red with fury. He takes his hand away from his face and steps up nose to nose with Will Sabre. His nostrils flare as he clearly fumes over the shot to the face. Sabre only smiles at Jones who looks on the edge of swinging.

Now...I'd say we're on the same page.

Sabre
slowly takes a step back, then another putting distance between himself and Joshua Jones before turning and walking off camera.

Jones says nothing. He just looks at the camera and pie faces it as he turns and storms off in the opposite direction.

Back at ringside...

You make my dreams come true by Hall and Oates hits as he lights go down and then Coca Cola Man is seen in the middle of the stage snapping his fingers to the lovely tune of Hall and Oates, ahh the song is
amazing!!! Then he comes down dancing and singing. 

Dan: Why is this guy still employed?

Sikes: Kids love big teddy bears.

Dan: But the guys an asshole!  He's an asshole in a bear suit who gets his ass handed to him every match.  Zero redeeming qualities.

Sikes: So...what are your redeeming qualities?

*slap*

The lights fade to a single spotlight. “Tourniquet” begins playing as Mistress Natalya walks onto the ramp. She looks over her shoulder and motions for SnM to follow.  He emerges, walking a few steps behind her all the way to the ring.

Dan: And then there's this guy.  At least he has the decency to bring some eye candy to the ring with him.

Sikes: I don't think she would put it that way.

Dan: Oh so you're an expert in bondage stuff now?  Tater like to get slapped around? 

...pauses and realizes he just slapped him.

Dan: Gross.  So are you turned on right now?

Sikes: You are ridiculous.

Dan: And you're a pervert, exposing your kinks to millions of innocent children via satellite. 

At ringside, she runs a hand over his masked face, whispers some words of encouragement, then slaps him. With a shake of the head, SnM turns and slides into the ring.  The bell rings and Coca Cola Man is all over SnM with rights and lefts...SnM just takes it seeming to enjoy it.  Coca Cola Man whips him into the far turnbuckle and charges for a splash but eats a boot instead.  Coke adjusts his head and charges in again but gets caught by Mental Dominance. 

Snm with the cover...

1...

2...

Power kickout by the bear...man.

Just then The Pride
hits, causing a mixed reaction.  Some people still cheer for Josh, but the majority has turned against him.  Joshua Jones steps through the curtains, his best smug grin spread across his face. 
It's not very good, but he tries.  After a few steps, Joshua stops.  The other members of J-Crew stride confidently onto the ramp.  

Joshua looks over the crowd before turning his gaze to the ring.  Shaking his head slowly, Joshua executes a single palm punch.  

With serious, tough guy nods, each member of the group performs a palm punch of their own, in perfect unison, naturally.  

The mighty group walks to the ring.  They circle the ring, surrounding it. 
Together, they slide into the ring and start taking Coca Cola Man and
SnM apart.  They try to fight back but the numbers game quickly proves too much.  Fellow hits the Lost & Found on SnM, Asp spits the green mist into Coca Cola Man's...eyeholes, who stumbles around into Bags' In the Bag!  Fellow and Bags drag Coke Man back up so The Desert Asp can hit Aapep Devouring the Sun!  All the while Jones looks on in approval, finally the rest of J Crew drag SnM back up and present him to Jones to hit In Your Face!  Before kicking them out of the ring.

Dan: Can't believe I'm saying this but...thank you J Crew.

Sikes: Why?  They just ruined this match!

Dan: No they didn't.

Jack Fellow asks for a mic but before he can speak Ecudor is lovely this time of year by Inkwell hits to a fairly tremendous ovation. 

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Val "The Dread" Nedved comes out onto the stage with the ELW title over his shoulder.

Dan: I thought he was busy painting.

He makes his way down to the ring but Asp and Bags run out to greet him...Val levels Asp with the ELW title, eats a clothesline from Bags and responds with a Russian legsweep onto the ramp!  Val continues on, his eyes fixed on Fellow who slides out of the ring and grabs a chair. 
As they approach each other, Nedved forgets about Joshua who clips his
knees from behind.  J Crew swarms on Val beating him down when the PA system issues the sharp double-rapport of a snare drum, followed by the words:

MINIMUM WAAAAAAAGE!
HEE-YAH!!!

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With the cracking of a whip, Zillionaire Jones appears on the stage, red-face and grinning from ear to ear.

Dan: Uh...is this happening?

Sikes: It appears to be!  Zillionaire is here to...help his opponent?

Z runs down the ramp, slapping a few high fives before reaching the melee at ringside...Lariat on Asp!  Headbutt on Joshua...Crown Jewels on Bags! 

Sikes: Zillionaire is on fire!

Dan: No I think he's always that red.

But then he eats a nasty chair shot for Jack Fellow and drops to the floor.  Finally security rushes to ringside to clear away J Crew but not
before Zillionaire eats a few more chair shots to the head for his
trouble. 

Sikes: We're going to cut to commercial and see it Zillionaire and Val are still fit to compete.  Stay tuned!

Dan: Can't wait.

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We're back just as the bell rings, Jones has said he can continue but looks a little more out of it than usual.  He signals for a handshake which Val
accepts with a nod.

Sikes: That Val is a real classy guy.

Dan: So now you're getting on the old boring guys jock too?

Sikes: The man is a gifted technician, and the ELW Champion despite all of J Crews attempts to dethrone him.

Dan: And your point?

Val and Jones lock up but Val uses his height to power Jones back into the ropes...Jones breaks free and elbows Val in the head a few times.  Val comes back with an elbow of his own, followed by a crisp belly to belly suplex.  Jones holds his head on the mat and with a sad shake of his head Val makes the cover...

1...

2...

Kickout!

Val gives Jones some space to get to his feet, still shaking his head.

Dan: What's this guys problem now?

Sikes: I'd say he doesn't want to win this way, Zillionaire took some nasty head shots just minutes ago.  He really shouldn't be competing right now.

Val with a clothesline on Jones that spins him around but somehow he stays on his feet!  Nedved off the ropes and comes back looking for a spinebuster but Zillionaire reverses it into an STO!  Jones goes nuts celebrating before dropping an elbow into the small of Val's back!  And again! 

Sikes: Could Jones actually pull this off?

Dan: My moneys on...no.

With much pomp and circumstance, Zillionaire climbs up to the top turnbuckle and leaps off looking for Royal Pain In The Ass ...but Nedved rolls away to safety. 

Val again lets Jones gets to his feet, but this time knocks him back with a running knee lift...cover...

1...

2...

Jones just barely kicks out!

With a grim nod, Val drags Jones up and plants him with Val's Impaler.  Makes the cover, with a look of disgust on his face...

1...

2...

3! 

The winner and still ELW Champion...Val "The Dread" Nedved!

Sikes: How ironic, Zillionaire comes out to held Val against J Crew and by doing so ruined any chance of beating Val for the ELW title.

Dan: Just goes to show you...helping others is overrated.  And I think you may have pulled an Alanis Morrisette with that ironic reference there.

Sikes: How ironic!

Dan: I hate you.


]]> Canadian Invasion 4: Edmonton http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/83/canadian-invasion-4-edmonton Sun, 15 Jan 2012 12:15:38 -0700 monk 83@/discussions
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The crowd goes nuts!  Canadians jump around everywhere, cheering and clapping. Shouting and waving their arms around like crazy people. That's just how we like it in ELITE. Absolutely insane.

More pyro threatens to get the company fined for excessive explosions, and for the fire hazard involved.

The camera finally stops on ELITE's award winning commentary team, a duo of such significance that they're officially known as cultural icons in sixty-three countries.

Sikes: Welcome to Edmonton!

Dan: Where?

Sikes: Edmonton!  Alberta, Canada! 

Dan: Are we about done with this Canada crap?  I hate this country.

Sikes: Why?  It's so clean and everyone's so nice!

Dan: I know, that why I hate it.  I don't trust people that nice...makes me think they're just getting ready to rob me or something.

Sikes: Don't be ridiculous.

Dan: Right, that's your job.

Sikes: Anyway, we've got a tremendous show for you tonight!  A three way dance between Lance Steadfast, Mad Monkey and Nightcat to determine the number one contender for the Universal Championship. 

Dan: Hmm, that should be...interesting.

Sikes: And with the Champ himself, Steve Fella serving as the guest referee...who knows what will happen?

Dan: Two guys will lose and one guy will probably win.

Sikes: Carrying on...Joshua Jones will try to pick up some momentum against the returning Will Sabre!  The Desert Asp challenges Val Nedved for the ELW Title!

Dan: How can you even act excited about that?  It's going to be awful.

Sikes: Val is a fighting champion, and after Asp's victory over Ramos last week, he could be a worthy contender.

Dan: I think your doctor needs to adjust your meds.

Sikes: Dan!

Dan: Andy.

Sikes: *sigh*  Anyway, starting off tonight...the return of the Euroteam match!

Dan: Do we have any actual teams?

Sikes: Well, not officially.  J Crew...kinda.

Dan: So it's J Crew versus some more random nobodies?

Sikes: No...it's Jack Fellow of J Crew, teaming up with Coca Cola Man...

Dan: Wait, so the only official team we kinda have on the roster isn't even competing together?  Who is booking this stuff?

Sikes: Uh...I'm not sure at this point.  I think it's a committee somewhere.

Dan: Right.

Sikes: And they face off against the impressive Zillionaire Jones and SnM!

Dan: MmHmm.  Can't wait.

Sikes: But first I'm told we go backstage for a few words with our ELW Champion!

Dan: *yawn*

We catch up with the ELW Champion Val Nedved inside a weight room. Emanating from the middle of a sea of grey and metal items, our Champion's controlled breathing is the only indication of life in the Champion's vicinity. He's alone... and he would have it no other way. He's used to it. But how many can claim the same? 


I have said many times that I came here to wrestle, to prove I can twist and dance with the most dexterous athletes in the world, but in my first few months in ELITE, I've demonstrated that I can also mangle and pummel in a way that very few can. 

Really, it depends on circumstances, on the mood I am in, on what I have to work with...

As far as J - Crew is concerned, all this faction is doing presently is
letting me thoroughly enjoy another thing that I take great pleasure in doing: Inspiring terror... 

There are few things in this world that cause as much grief and agony as loneliness causes the fainthearted... 

Desert Asp, merely defeating you is not my goal... I aim to break you - not just physically but also emotionally, psychologically, in spirit... 

Your loneliest, gloomiest, most unsettling hour is right around the horizon, Asp. 

As the harrowing shadow projected by my menacing exterior infringes upon the entrails of your sanctuary... you will have only the echoed shrills of your slain companions to distract you from your cowering... 

I'm afraid it won't be a happy beginning to your New Year.

Zillionaire Jones and SnM vs Jack Fellow and Coca Cola Man

The tag match was very competitive but awkward with neither team working very well together.  Zillionaire Jones and Jack Fellow had a very exciting segment with Fellow making several pinfall attempts but Jones' count out win attempts proved unsuccessful in the Euro team format.  Coca Cola Man and Fellow nearly came to blows at one point after Coca Cola made a blind tag.  SnM took advantage of the distraction to pick up the victory by rollup. 


Backstage, The Desert Asp is warming up by doing some sort of half ass kung fu routine and staring at something with a glazed over look in his eyes.  Bags comes up, looks from Asp to whatever he's staring at off camera and shrugs.

So, Asp...do you want us to come out with you during your entrance or just surprise you?

No thanksssss.

Huh?

I ssssss-

No I heard you...quite clearly.  I just didn't understand...uh...what the heck you mean.  We're J Crew.  And we're coming out there to back you up.

Asp stops his flailing around and cocks his head to the side regarding Bags with that same glazed over glare.

I appreciate it...really.  But I want to do thissssss...on my own.  I dissssemboweled that engorged giant ssssingle handedly last week jussssst fine.  What makesssss you think I need your help to do the same to Val?

What!?!  You're delusional!  You freaking stoned out moron!  I'm not doubting your abilities.  I just saying... *sigh*  We're GOING...out THERE.  To back you up. 

Asp steps up to Bags and says firmly.

And I'm sssssaying...no thanksssss, Bags.

With that Asp reaches over and grabs what he must have been staring at before...a ripe and juicy tomato.  He rips out a vicious bite letting the juices run down his face and chest, grinning like a loon.

Whatever, man.  You've made your bed, now I hope you fall out of it.

Back at ringside...

Sikes: So it looks as though the Desert Asp truly wants to prove himself tonight.

Dan: He's the dumbest member of the group, give him a break.

Sikes: I'm serious! He wants to beat Val on his own!

Dan: And I ask, why throw away a perfectly good thing?

Sikes: You mean why stop attacking people in packs and jumping everyone during matches?

Dan: Yes!

Sikes: Because it is wrong!

Dan: The level of homosexuality inside you is wrong.

Sikes: ...

Dan: ...

Sikes: Anyway, I'm being told that we have to cut backstage for a possible situation involving the Universal Champion!


As Steve Fella goes walking by a darkened hallway, a sinister voice calls out to him.

Hey Champ.

He turns and out strolls Nightcat.  Steve just stares at him, trying to read what he's about to do.

Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you...yet.

Oh I'm not worried about that...I was just trying to figure out what kind of stain that is on your shirt.

What?

Nightcat looks down at this black t shirt for a moment before looking back up and meeting Steve's amused grin with one of his own.

Clever girl...listen...Champ.  You ready to do the right thing tonight?  You ready to sit back and stay out of my way?

I'm ready to go out there and call a clean match.  No favors to anyone.

Well then...that's fine with me. 

Jabbing a finger into Steve's chest he mutters...

Just stick to that game plan and everything will work out fine.

Fella slaps the hand away and scowls.

YOU should just focus on not breaking any rules out there.  Like I said...no favors...no turning a blind eye.

Me?  Break the...rules?  Ha!

Nightcat goes on down the hall laughing way too much for something that wasn't even funny in the first place.

Sikes: That's just not right.

Dan: What isn't?

Sikes: Nightcat trying to intimidate Steve like that.

Dan: He wasn't trying to intimidate him...he was just checking to be sure Fella wasn't planning any funny business.  Perfectly natural.

Sikes: Uh...did we just watch the same segment?

Dan: I don't know...did we?

Sikes: Dan, Nightcat was clearly trying to...

Dan: Oh hey!  Here comes Val!  Great!

Sikes: You're ridiculous.

Ecudor is lovely this time of year by Inkwell hits and Val Nedved heads out to the ring. He is sure looking confident for all to see while making his way down the ramp. He struts up the steps and into the ring while receiving a mostly positive reaction.

Dan: So do more people like this tool because he feuds with the J-Crew who they hate more?

Sikes: Maybe they like him because he's on fire!

Dan: No, only you like men because they're flaming.

Sikes: Dammit Dan!

King Crimson's fucked up song title hits and the Desert Asp crawls out now to a much more negative reaction from the crowd. Oddly enough he skips over the usual snake routine and beelines it to the ring. Val nods and signals to the referee before turning back to face the Asp.

The Asp hops onto the apron and then springboards from the ropes and flying forward at Nedved. Val steps out of the way but Asp rolls through and pops right back up. The bell rings to start the match and Val lunges with a clothesline attempt that misses. Asp ducks under it and then turns and kicks Val hard in the leg.

Val swings a backfist but Asp avoids it before snapping another leg kick that connects. Asp switches his stance several times while Nedved gets his hands up and cautiously comes forward. Asp feigns another leg kick before reaching out and cracking Val's jaw with a sharp jab. This stuns Nedved and allows Asp to attack with a deadly combination of blows that sends Nedved backing into the corner trying to defend himself.

Sikes: The Asp surprising Nedved here with his karate moves!

Dan: His "karate moves"?

Sikes: What?

Dan: It amazes me, the shit that comes out of your mouth.

Asp leaps up for a knee to the head but Nedved is able to catch it and then dive forward, spearing Asp to the mat. Nedved gets up and gives his head a shake while Asp grabs his back in pain. Nedved lines him up and as Asp gets up Nedved steps over to him and goes for a belly to belly suplex. Asp shocks him with a headbutt then squirms out of the hold. He slides under him and rolls Val up.

1...

2...

Kickout by Nedved!

The two men scramble to their feet but Asp is much faster. As Nedved stands, Asp leaps high and actually snaps off a nice superman punch that forces Nedved backwards a few feet. Asp races at him and nearly gets decapitated for it with a clothesline by Nedved but Asp ducks underneath. He bounces off the ropes and flips in the air before spinning and cracking Val in the face with a spinning elbow.

Nedved drops to the mat while Asp moves with lightning speed to the top rope. He measures the stunned Nedved when suddenly Bags makes his way out. Asp turns his attention to his partner and his eyes grow wide with anger.
He begins to shout at Bags to stay out of this but Bags just smiles and heads to ringside.

Dan: See, he's an idiot! Denying help!

Sikes: He wants to do this on his own, he doesn't need help!

Dan: Thus proving my point that he is the dumbest member of the J-Crew!

Sikes: Or the bravest!

Dan: No, dumbest.

Nedved looks up to see Asp arguing with Bags, still standing on the top rope so he makes his move. Nedved races over and runs up the turnbuckle with great agility. He catches the distracted Asp completely offguard and
hits an incredible, overhead belly to belly suplex from the top rope. Asp flies through the air and slams hard on the mat while Nedved drops as well.

Bags raises his hands to his head in shock but hardly looks sincere. Nedved rolls over and quickly crawls over to the downed Asp and makes a cover. Bags makes no effort to stop him.

1...

2...

3!!!

Winner Via pinfall and STILL ELW Champion, Val Nedved!!!

Sikes: I think Bags just cost his teammate the match!

Dan: What's going on here...?

The referee raises Val's arm in victory while Bags rolls into the ring and begins to yell at Asp to get up. Nedved slowly turns and looks at the two men arguing and grins. He marches over and spins Bags around while Asp sits on the mat still holding his back in pain. Bags shoves Val back and eats a mighty right hand for his troubles.

Asp scrambles to get up while Bags screams and begins to trade shots with Nedved. Already
caught offguard, Bags struggles until Nedved turns his attention to Asp and clotheslines him over the ropes and to the floor. Nedved turns back to Bags and is kicked in the stomach. Bags goes for a DDT but Nedved reverses and hoists Bags up then slams him down with a spinebuster.

Sikes: Looks like Nedved is getting some long-awaited revenge on the J-Crew!

Dan: I wouldn't be so sure...

Sikes: Huh?

From out of nowhere, Jack Fellow slides into the ring clutching the ELW title. As Nedved gets up and watches Bags slowly roll to the outside, he finally notices the immense booing hasn't stopped from the crowd. As he turns around, Fellow drills him in the face with the ELW title, taking him down in a heap. On the outside, Asp looks ready to hit Bags but then smiles and hugs him instead.

Asp then goes and grabs a steel
chair while Bags slowly rolls back into the ring. Asp waits by the front of the ring with the steel chair to prevent the officials from making it down. Fellow grins at Nedved who is on his hands and knees, dazed
from the shot with the belt. Fellow rears back and kicks him hard in the ribs, sending him doubling over. He motions to Bags while walking to the ropes and asking for a mic.

Sikes: Oh this is not good for our ELW champion!

Dan: This looks very bad for Nedved...

Bags mounts Nedved and begins to rain down fists while Val can barely cover up. Fellow holds the microphone and walks over to them. He begins to kick at Val to make it even harder to defend himself. Fellow laughs and backs away while Bags gets off of Nedved. Val struggles to pull himself
up but is in rough shape now.

Fellow grabs him by the hair and then cracks the microphone over his forehead, opening up a small cut above the eyebrow. Nedved drops back onto his side in pain while Fellow stands over him, testing to see if the mic still works.

Jack: Hi, Val.

Boy oh boy, how pissed off are you right now?

Lying in the ring with two guys you claim to be better than standing over you.

Wanting to pummel us but simply can't right now.

Ahh, very frustrating, isn't it?

Bags stomps on him some more for a moment before Fellow raises a hand.

Jack: Now, before you begin to plot your next essay of a script to berate us about how great you are because you still got the precious win tonight, let me spell something out for you, Val.

This was all part of the plan.

Bags and Asp arguing in the back, arguing out here, losing to a damn belly to belly suplex...

We made it all happen as we wanted it to.

Do you understand now?

It isn't about the wins, or your precious title or how many push-ups you can do while painting. It is about sending a message.

So, do I have your attention now?

Nedved sneers at him and apparently Fellow doesn't like it because he blasts Val in the head again with the microphone.

Jack: You're just a man, a mortal man, Val.

You can not stop the J-Crew because at any given moment we can take it all away from you.

Look how easy we got you here tonight...

If you still refuse to believe what I'm saying then I'll do it myself, one on one. At the Supershow Val, you and me. Put us in a cage or bring lumberjacks, whatever you want. The point is, I am going to face you for the ELW Championship at the Supershow and that is where I will take the
belt away for good. Along with your precious winning streak.

If you overcome, I will move on for good.

Nedved shakes his head yes, blood trickling down his face still. Fellow smiles
at the response and nods to Bags. Asp warns the officials to back off and swings the chair wildly outside the ring.

Jack: Thought you'd like that.

Now that you got the message I can leave...

But you know what, let's put an exclamation mark on this message...

Nedved is trying to get up as this last sentence is said and before he can react, Val is kicked in the balls by Bags for no reason. Nedved howls in pain before Fellow grabs hold of him and sets him up. Bags carefully lays out the ELW title and then Fellow nails Nedved with the Lost
& Found directly onto the belt!

Nedved slumps, the cut much wider on his head now while Fellow gets up and surveys the damage. He bursts out laughing while Bags shakes his head with a smirk of his own. Fellow and Bags leave the ring, Asp following them now through the crowd while officials race to check on Nedved.

Sikes: That was sick...

Dan: Talk about sending a message!

Sikes: They went too far this time!

Dan: This feud has certainly spiraled out of control, and now a big match as the climax at the Supershow!

Sikes: If Nedved can even make it there, he looks in very bad shape here...

Dan: That's a lot of blood, we should probably cut to commercial...

]]> Canada Invasion 3: Ottawa http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/67/canada-invasion-3-ottawa Sun, 18 Dec 2011 10:34:00 -0700 ELITE 67@/discussions
image

The crowd goes nuts!  Canadians jump around everywhere, cheering and clapping. Shouting and waving their arms around like crazy people. That's just how we like it in ELITE. Absolutely insane.

More pyro threatens to get the company fined for excessive explosions, and for the fire hazard involved.

The camera finally stops on ELITE's award winning commentary team, a duo of such significance that they're officially known as cultural icons in sixty-three countries.

Sikes: Welcome to Ottawa!

Dan: I hate this place.

Sikes: Dan!

Dan: What?

Sikes: You can't say that!

Dan: Why not?

Sikes: It's disrespectful to the fine citizens of this great city!

Dan: Who said anything about them?

Sikes: You did!

Dan: Did not.

Sikes: You just said that you hate this place!

Dan: Yeah, I do. Because I'm stuck sitting next to you again.

Sikes: …

Dan: There you go making stupid assumptions again. You know what they say about making assumptions?

Sikes: They make an ass out of you and me?

Dan: What are you talking about?!

Sikes: That's what they say!

Dan: I don't know who you've been talking to, but that's pretty stupid.

Sikes: …

Dan: Then again, I didn't think anyone spoke to you. You must have found that one on the internet.

Sikes: Dan-

Dan: www.lameassjokes.org or some shit.

Sikes: …

Dan: They should thank me for the free plug.

Sikes: Can we just move on?

Dan: Probably not, but you're welcome to try.

Sikes: We've got a tremendous show tonight!

Dan: You're exaggerating.

Sikes: Several members of J-Crew will be in action!

Dan: There, you proved it.

Sikes: We've also got an epic edition of the Monkey's Cage scheduled.

Dan: We? As if you had anything to do with it.

Sikes: Profit will be in action.

Dan: Just going to name the entire roster, aren't you?

Sikes: Zillionaire Jones makes his highly anticipated debut!

Dan: I'm still not sure who that is...

Sikes: Lance Steadfast, Nightcat, and our Universal Champion, Suicide Steve Fella, are all here tonight! Who knows what might happen?!

Dan: Your vague name dropping needs to stop.

Sikes: I'm just letting everyone know what's in store for tonight!

Dan: You're just throwing out names. How does that tell them anything?!

Sikes: Why must you be so difficult?! I'm just trying to mix things up a little!

Dan: Stop. You're terrible at it.

Sikes: Dan, I'm already sick of your negative attitude tonight.

Dan: That's just too damned bad. Isn't it?

image

Fools Never Die hits. Bags leaps through the curtains, looking amped up and ready to do something. He dances his way to the ring, jumping around the entire time and strutting like a bran dead peacock.

Dan: After all this time, I still have no idea what he thinks he's doing right there.

Sikes: I doubt he does either.

Dan: Have I mentioned that I hate stupid entrances?

Sikes: Many, many times.

Dan: Good. I hate them.

Sikes: Thanks, Dan.
image

MINIMUM WAAAAAAAGE!

HEE-YAH!!!

With the cracking of a whip, Zillionaire Jones appears on the stage, red-face and grinning from ear to ear.  He struts down to the ring to the tune of "Minimum Wage" by They Might Be Giants, slapping hands with the fans along the way.  

Sikes: And here comes ELITE's latest signing!

Dan: Color me underwhelmed.  

Sikes: Have you spoken to Zillionaire Jones yet?  

Dan: I'll pass.

Sikes: He's fantastic!

When Zillionaire reaches the ring, he rolls inside quickly and, with arms outstretched, spins slowly, showing off his multi-sequined robe and loose grasp on what we would call "fashion sense".  As the song draws to a close, Jones removes his robes and hops back and forth from foot to foot, eager to get things started. 

Sikes: This is going to be quite the test for-

Bags lunges at Zillionaire, but Zillionaire sees him coming and drops into a defensive crouch.

Sikes: Bags tried to get sneaky there.

Dan: A good thought, if he was any good at it.

The two men lock up in the middle of the ring. Zillionaire throws Bags to the mat.

Sikes: Did you see that?!

Dan: Are you really surprised that the guy with the sixty pound weight advantage could overpower his opponent?

Sikes: Guess not.

Dan: Idiot.

Bags rolls to his feet and goes right back into the grapple.

Dan: Okay, he's the idiot.

Zillionaire throws Bags down again. 
Bags rolls to his feet.

Sikes: I'm not sure about this approach.

Dan: No shit?

Bags steps in for another grapple. This time, he suddenly kicks Zillionaire in his gut. Bags kicks a few more times, doubling Zillionaire over.
Sikes: Oh!
Bags grabs Zillionaire's arms... Double Bag It!!

Sikes: Bags baited him! I don't believe it!

Bags makes the cover.

1...

2...

Kick Out.

Sikes: TWO!

Dan: Bags nearly won by outsmarting someone. That would have been a career killer.

Zillionaire pushes himself to his feet, only for Bags to unload with a sloppy clothesline. Zillionaire doesn't go down, but he does stumble into the ropes. 
Bags runs at Zillionaire, but Zillionaire levels him with a huge right hand. 

Sikes: Bags just got knocked the eff out!

Dan: Did you really just say eff?

Sikes: Yes.

Dan: You're such a pussy. Stupid too, since Bags isn't even unconscious.

Bags rolls away, clutching his jaw. Zillionaire follows, unloading with a few kicks and stomps before Bags can get to the ropes. 
Bags clings to the ropes and screams at the ref to make Zillionaire leave him alone. 

Sikes: Bags isn't making a very good showing right now.

Dan: When does he?

The referee tries to pull Zillionaire away from the ropes. The instant Bags is given a little space, he grabs the ropes and pulls himself onto his feet. 
Bags springs off the ropes onto Zillionaire with a high crossbody!
But Zillionaire rolls through, coming to his feet with Bags helpless in his arms!

Sikes: Did you see that?!

Dan: This again? Seriously?

Zillionaire flings Bags with a fallaway slam!

Sikes: Zillionaire Jones is taking control of this match!

With Bags down, Zillionaire heads for the corner.

Sikes: Now what's he doing?!

Dan: Why are you asking me?

Zillionaire climbs the turnbuckles. 

Sikes: And Zillionaire goes up top!

Dan: I'm not sure about this plan.

Sikes: You always complain when people climb the turnbuckles!

Dan: How often does it actually work?!

Just as Zillionaire reaches the top and starts to turn, Bags pushes himself to his feet.

Sikes: Bags is getting up!

Bags lunges into the ropes. They shake, causing Zillionaire to lose his balance. 

Dan: Effective counter and it proves my point.

Bags springboards off the middle rope... Wet Floor!!

Sikes: Oh my God!

Dan: I'm still amazed that Bags can even do that.

Sikes: It has to be over!

Bags crawls onto Zillionaire for the cover.

1...

2...

Th- Kick Out!

Sikes: Two! Only a two!

Bags shoves Zillionaire down and makes another cover. This time, Bags pushes his forearm into the side of Zillionaire's face.

1...

2...

Kick Out.

Sikes: Zillionaire isn't staying down!

Dan: Did you want him to lose?

Looking mighty pissed, Bags rolls to his feet. Keeping his glare locked on Zillionaire, Bags waits. 

Sikes: This doesn't look good.

Dan: Bags is about to do something stupid again. Even odds that it works.

As Zillionaire gets to his feet, Bags screams and charges. In the Ba-
Zillionaire spins out of the way!!
Bags crashes violently into the corner!

Dan: And there it was.

Sikes: That was brutal!

Bags bounces off the mat. Zillionaire grabs Bags and slams him into the corner again!
Bags rolls backwards and lays there.

Sikes: Bags might be out!

Dan: He's stupid. Does that count?

Zillionaire makes the cover.

1...

2...

Thr- Kick Out!!

Sikes: Only a two!

Dan: That would have been humiliating, even for Bags.

Bags staggers into the corner. 
Zillionaire throws himself into the air, coming down with the dreaded Zillionaire Zinger!!

Sikes: What was that?!

Dan: Some sort of big ass neck chop.

Sikes: That's your technical term? Big Ass Neck Chop?

Dan: You heard it here first.

Bags stumbles out of the corner. He seems to have no idea where he's at anymore. 

Sikes: Bags is in a lot of trouble!

Dan: Usually.

Zillionaire grabs Bags and lifts him.

Sikes: Looks like a suplex.

Zillionaire lets go, sending the back of Bags' neck hitting the top rope. Bags slingshots forward out of the ring... Exile Decree!!!

Oh!

Bags crashes face first to the floor! He lies there, motionless. 

Dan: I wouldn't have thought of that, but it was quite effective.

Sikes: I don't see how Bags is going to get up after that one.

Dan: That's the point.

Zillionaire Jones stands in the ring. He's doing a lot of talking, but not loudly enough for anyone to really pick up more than a general idea of what he's saying. Every few words, Zillionaire glances in Bags' direction. 

The referee has no choice but to begin the count. 

Sikes: A most unusual approach.

Dan: Whatever works. 

Sikes: He's lucky that this wasn't a title match.

Dan: HA!

Sikes: What?

Dan: Like Bags would ever be a Champion.

Zillionaire continues to wait. The count reaches seven. Bags is still down on the outside.

Sikes: Bags isn't getting up. Is he?

Dan: I would say not.

The count reaches ten. The referee calls for the bell.

Sikes: What a bizarre ending.

Dan: Should be used to that by now.

When the bell rings, Zillionaire Jones launches into an epic celebration, almost as if he'd just knocked out Chuck Norris in order to win the Super Bowl where the winner becomes President of the Universe for life. 

Sikes: Zillionaire Jones seems quite pleased with his... victory. 

Dan: For everyone's sake, let's hope that this doesn't go down as his career defining victory. 

Sikes: He was impressive, but yeah...

image

There's silence. Darkness. An eerie sort of quiet. 

Light from the camera bounces off the lenses of familiar-looking sunglasses. There's that smile we're growing accustomed to. Yep, it's Nedved again. And he looks pissed the fucked off - well, underneath his perennially cool, suave exterior. Not a good sign... 

When I joined ELITE, I came here looking for worthy competition... 

After many years of dominating some of the most prestigious wrestling promotions in Europe, I opted to make the jump to an organization claiming to be the class of European-themed professional wrestling...

I had many expectations when I arrived here, but admittedly I did not think I would be fighting for the sake of sportsmanship and integrity. After being victimized repeatedly by cheap shots and all sorts of dastardly antics, I would like formally warn Jack Fellow that I am through with playing games. I didn't come here to fuck around; I came here to fight... 

That is precisely what we are going to do tonight, Fellow. Regardless of whether or not your "friends" decide to get involved, you're finally going to face the wrath you've been provoking for weeks, and any member of this roster who's felt it thus far will tell you it's not very pleasant at all. 

Tonight, I get MY belt back... but not before I show you what a CHUMP you truly are, Fellow. 

Your ass is mine. The big, bad Euro is incensed. Say hi to Kash on the sidelines for me.

The camera fades. 

Sikes: I hope that Val gives Jack what he deserves.

Dan: And what is that exactly? A Christmas card?

Sikes: A beating for stealing the ELW Championship!

Dan: A beating? For that?

Sikes: He's a thief!

Dan: This is going to be a long night.

Sikes: Surely, you can't condone that sort of behavior.

Dan: I'm about to steal your headset and beat you with it.

Sikes: I think we should move on.

Dan: I think that you're about to say something stupid.

Sikes: Can we move on?

Dan: Whatever, Tater.

Sikes: A true David versus Goliath match up coming up next!

Dan: How did I know you'd use some gay cliche for this upcoming match?

Sikes: But it is the truth! The Desert Asp is about the size of Ramos' leg.

Dan: He is a J-Crew member though whereas Ramos has no friends.

Sikes: Well, we'll see what happens!

Dan: Speaking of seeing, did you see when Don entered the ring?

Sikes: No, did you?

Dan: No...odd...

Ramos waits around.

image

King Crimson's Lark's Tongues in Aspics Part 2 hits and the Desert Asp slithers towards the ring. Ramos decides he is too impatient for this and leaves the ring to go after Asp. The Asp sees him and makes a beeline for the announce table, hiding under it. Ramos searches for him and gets splashed with a mug of water by Asp.

Asp races into the ring while Ramos wipes himself off, not amused. Ramos climbs onto the apron and Asp starts kicking at him, delaying his entrance back into the ring. After the fourth kick, Ramos shoves Asp down to the mat before finally getting into the ring. 

Sikes: This will be very hard for Asp to get any offense in as Ramos may just be too big for him.

Dan: We've seen stranger things happen, Mr. Negative.

Asp baseball slides under Ramos' legs and then scrambles to the top rope. Ramos turns around as Asp dives off, hitting a huge front dropkick on the huge man. Ramos drops to the mat with a thunderous crash as Asp bounces then rolls over and makes a cover.

1...

Ramos throws Asp off.

Sikes: Not a chance!

Dan: Oh shut up.

Sikes: I just don't see how it is possible for little Asp to beat huge Ramos!

Dan: That's because you're an inept idiot!

The Asp gathers himself up while Ramos lies on the mat laughing, trying to shake off the big dropkick. Asp runs to the ropes and back in a flash and nails Ramos in the face with a dropkick. That wipes the smile clean off Ramos' face as he tries to get up in a fury. Asp catches him off guard and rolls it into a sloppy package.

1...

Kickout by Ramos!

Sikes: See!

Dan: See what? The match just started, you twit!

Sikes: Just watch!

Dan: I am watching and you keep interrupting.

Sikes: ...

Dan: Better.

Asp hops up and begins furiously kicking at Ramos while he tries to pull himself up. This does some small damage but mostly just pisses Ramos off and he shoves Asp backwards, sending him sailing into the corner. Ramos barges up and forward, running for a splash but Asp dives out of the way to basically save his life.

Ramos slams into the corner followed by a dropkick to the back from Asp that leaves Ramos leaning against the turnbuckle. Ramos gives his head a shake as he stumbles back from the corner. The Asp dives onto the second turnbuckle then quickly fires himself at Ramos with the Summon Desert Storm! Ramos is dropped and Asp once again makes a cover.

1...

2...

Big kickout by Ramos!

Dan: What do you have to say for yourself now smart ass?

Sikes: The match isn't over!

Dan: Shut up!

Ramos is very slow to his feet while Asp runs laps outside the ring now. Ramos holds his head in pain as he stands up, looking around for Asp who is now doing jumping jacks. Ramos roars in frustration and at this point everything suddenly goes quiet. Asp stares at the charging tank like a deer caught in the headlights.

The crowd is actually silent as Ramos attempts to vault the ropes and apparently crush the much smaller Asp. Instead, his feet hit the top rope and he tumbles to the floor while the Asp does approximately six crunches and still gets out of the way in time. Ramos lands awkwardly on the floor with a loud thud that sucks a collective gasp from the audience.

Sikes: What the...

Dan: Why the hell did he do that!?

Sikes: I'm not sure I understand what I just witnessed.

Dan: Probably the same thing you said when you saw your first porno...

Sikes: What?

Dan: Nothing.

Asp runs around the ring while the referee watches in complete bedazzlement. Asp comes around to where Ramos is lying and hops up onto the ring apron. Ramos struggles to move but is still a mess on the floor. Asp grabs the ropes and pulls off a beautiful moonsault from the middle rope onto Ramos. Asp attempts to pull him up and into the ring but barely manages to push the big man onto his side.

Sikes: See! 

Dan: What now?

Sikes: His only chance and he can't move Ramos into the ring!

Dan: So he can just go in the ring and get him counted out!

Sikes: I'm not sure Asp can sit still through a 10 count.

Dan: Dammit, good point.

Sikes: I know!

Dan: Shut up!

Asp rolls into the ring and back out again to try and pull Ramos up but still to no success. Asp starts to slap Ramos until he shoves Asp away. Asp slides into the ring while Ramos finally pulls himself up. He gets into the ring while Asp bounces off the ropes and comes racing back. Ramos lifts a huge knee though and Asp crashes into it, dropping to the mat.

Ramos just stands there stunned, clearly still feeling the effects of his fall to the floor. Asp gets up slowly and Ramos grabs for him. Asp somersaults away from it while Ramos merely stumbles. Asp cocks his head then kicks Ramos in the gut before nailing Aapep Devouring the Sun from out of nowhere! He makes the cover.

Dan:Ha!

Sikes: No way!

1...

2...

3!!!

Winner by pinfall, The Desert Asp!

Sikes: I don't believe it!

Dan: Well believe it! You're wrong you idiot!

Sikes: Calm down!

Dan: I'll calm down when you give me the money!

Sikes: What money!?

Dan: The money from the bet we made!

Sikes: There was no bet!

Dan: Pretty sure there was...

Sikes: Anyway, let's take a break!

Dan: So you can get the money!
]]> Canada Invasion One: Montreal http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/60/canada-invasion-one-montreal Tue, 13 Dec 2011 14:38:15 -0700 TheSupremeForce 60@/discussions

Pyro explodes sending the crowd into a Canadian frenzy! To this day, those remain 67% less violent than frenzies found inside the United States. The camera pans over the crazy Canuck crowd before settling on the ring.

The crowd's chants of "Fel-la, Fel-la" fill the air. "Suicide" Steve Fella stands in the middle of the ring in his street clothes beaming with pride with the Universal Title wrapped around his waist.
He holds the arena mic in hand, humbled by the support of the Montreal crowd.

Steve slowly lifts the mic up even though the crowd is unwavering with chants and cheers.

Thank you, thank you. Honestly, I appreciate the warm welcoming even though it feels a bit too much.

Sikes: After his hard-fought victory, he deserves every bit of this crowd's adulation.

Dan: So should we consider Steve your rebound?

Sikes: Don't you think calling Steve my...rebound...is going a bit far?

Dan: You're right. No one can ever fill the void Nicholas Wolf left in your heart.

Sikes: Dan!

A little over two months ago, I signed my ELITE contract and came back to work for the greatest wrestling company this generation has ever seen. I signed with the intent, the promise, not only to my son, not only to my family, not only to myself, but to all of my loyal fans that I was coming back to win the Universal Title.

He points down at the gold strap around his waist.

And I'm here today, a man of my word, and your new Champion. And I must say --

Steve's interrupted by the outpouring of cheers from the crowd. He nods his approval at the fans all around the arena.

And I must say, through all the years and all the accomplishments, having this title around my waist is one of the greatest feelings in my entire career...in my entire life. There were people who didn't believe, who couldn't fathom that after a multiple-year hiatus that a 20 year veteran could come back, burn a path straight to the top, and sit on a throne destined only for a few, select, elite...no pun intended.

And I'm here tonight, proof positive that nothing can heed someone's passion, someone's undying dedication to not only SAY you are undoubtedly the best...but to prove it when the time comes. I did just that and fed all the naysayers a healthy plate of crow. I walked into my own Personal Hell, Merry Ol' England, I stared down Nicholas Wolf, a man beloved world wide and even at our own commentator's desk...

Dan: He's talking about you.

Sikes: Yeah, kind of figured that out on my own.

Dan: Just saying, it's pretty obvious you've give up my virginity for one night with Nic.

Sikes: I'm not a virgin.

Dan: So Nic's already tore that shit up, huh? No wonder you can't stop talking about him and he seems to ignore you at every passing turn.

Sikes: He doesn't ignore me.

Dan: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

...a man all of our peers admired as the quintessential example of excellence. I looked that fucker straight in the eyes, and at the end of the match, made everybody's poetic hero say "I Quit" and tap the fuck out.

So to everybody in the back that thought I couldn't get the job done, take a good, long look at your life's dream wrapped around my waist...

Close-in shot of the Universal Title.

...and proceed to go fuck yourself.

Sikes: Pretty harsh words from our new Universal Champion.

Dan: I like the part where he described Nic tapping the fuck out. Classy.

Sikes: I could have done without the vulgarity.

Dan: We all could do without your annoying, high-pitched squeal of a voice but we learn to live with it -- or mute the television, whichever.

We pan back up to Steve Fella who's got that trademark half-smirk painted across his face.

But that happened two weeks ago. Today is a new day, today marks the start of my reign as Champion. It's been a while since I've held a title with such weight, but trust me, I haven't forgotten what it means and what I have to do next.

I remember a quote, not sure from whom, and went something like this, "A foolish man searches long distances for happiness, a wise man grows it underneath his feet". Now, I've been called a foolish man before, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that Steve Fella is no fool. I came back to ELITE instead of "searching out" for a place to compete pretty much because I've been synonymous with this company since close to it's very beginning. I've won the EuroCup as part of the Pantheon, I pinned Unknown to become this company's European Champion, and now as it's Universal Champion, my next goal is to take this company to the next level. A level of greatness unimaginable.

And I'm not going to do it by twiddling my god damn thumbs like others would, waiting for challengers to "earn" their spot. NO! Quite the contrary, I want every last competitor in the back, and every last wrestler undoubtedly watching this show tonight. My name is "Suicide" Steve Fella, I am ELITE's Universal Champion, and I'm putting each and every one of you on notice. The old expression "the hunter becomes the hunted" does not apply. I'm going to grow happiness underneath my feet by fighting, by defending this championship against the very best the business has to offer whether it's someone on the roster today, or somebody on the outside looking in who thinks they've got what it takes to take me down and take this title.

The crowd roars with approval.

Which brings me to my first title defense. Unlike Nic who hid behind his rank, I'm going to lay it on the line in two weeks on ELITE's next show. And I couldn't think of a better challenger than a man who's pinned me...TWICE...in the past month.

The fans know who he's referencing and the cheers quickly turn to boos.

Joshua Jeremiah Jones, I heard what you said this past week and you couldn't be any more correct. You shouldn't have to battle in a Gauntlet Match to get your well-deserved third match with yours truly. So I'm here tonight to accept your challenge. In two weeks, in Canada, you're going to compete in the biggest match of your career. You're going to compete in your very first title match. You and me, for the Universal Championship!

Sikes: What an announcement by our Champion! Goes to show you he's not the type of champion that's going to duck challengers!

Dan: He's never going to like you Sikes. Steve's not gay.

Sikes: Neither am I.

Dan: Well what's up with referencing Nic Wolf taking your virginity?

Sikes: YOU brought that up!

Dan: So you don't deny he dry-fucked your pooper?

Sikes: I didn't say that!

Dan: It's what you DIDN'T say that speaks louder.

But here's the thing Josh. Being Champion does comes with it's privileges. You see, I have something you want and I seriously doubt you'll deny yourself the opportunity. With that in mind, this match...is going to be on my term.

No lumberjacks.

No teammates.

No interference.

If you want this title, Jonesy, you're going to have to fight me in a fifteen-foot high STEEL CAGE!

The crowd ERUPTS at the announcement.

Dan: A cage match? Finally, something that might peak my interest in this show.

That ball's in your court Josh.

Moving right along...the Gauntlet Match. It doesn't matter to me who walks away the winner. Nightcat, Lance, Nic, Profit, some guy in Ada, Ohio, or even Joshua Jones...you win the match tonight, you get a title match, period. No games, no obstacles to face, you win -- you're in.

Sikes: He's making title matches, left-and-right!

Dan: Probably doesn’t' want to be champion for very long. Seriously, who the hell would want to face Nightcat?

span style="color: blue">Now, getting back to the whole "taking ELITE to the next level". I know this company has it's limitations, but if there's one man who knows who to pick a company up by the bootstraps and take it to a level unimaginable...it's yours truly. And there's only one way I know how -- and luckily enough this fits into the category of "two-birds, one stone".

ELITE needs to grow and I need more challengers than the few I mentioned earlier. And I knooooow that there's a contingent of peers watching at home right now. So, with that mind...

Ahem.

Steve clears his throat and shoots a steely blue star at the camera.

BRENDAN BLACK!

The Montreal crowd explodes!

You're sitting at home with your mean as fuck wife watching...watching as I'm continuing to solidify my already amazing legacy. You're watching, just because you think winning that frivolous Edge Pro Wrestling title means a god damn thing. The same title Matt Ford won -- Matt Ford, a man who made his living as a poor-man's Steve Fella. The same title Lost Soul, God rest his soul, carried proudly after running the fuck away, never coming back, after I broke his neck.

You think winning that title MEANS something? Fuck that title, and fuck Edge Pro Wrestling...bunch of pretentious attention-whores. You ever wonder why guys like the LimeLight stick around places like EPW? Here's a little story about Willie Williams.

The last time that guy was RELEVANT outside his circle-jerk of worshipers is when I featured him in "Two Legends Meet". You want to know why he doesn't show his face around here anymore -- it's because that HACK knows if he doesn't have a dozens supporters filling his head with hot air, he'd be jerking the curtain for true Main Events like myself.

Getting back to you, Black. I have a lot more respect for you than any names I might drop. Much more than Lex Steel and that glorified COWARD, Deacon Cage. You may respect guys like Jake Steele but I can't respect individuals who just can't fucking hang in the ring with guys of my caliber.

With that said, Brendan, you're sitting at home. I want you to get off the couch, get off your wife, walk into your study and take a look at your glass cabinet with all your titles. I know what's sitting next to your EPW World Title. And it's a title I want back.

I never got a rematch. And I want it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to show the entire world what it means to be "the best", by not talking about it, but waving a guy like you back into ELITE. Bring back my World Television Title and I will give you a Main Event slot on ELITE's next Supershow. And I'll put our Universal Title on the line as well.

I want to see it, the fans want to see it, our peers want to see it, and inside that belly of yours, the fire burns...YOU want the match as well.

"Suicide" Steve Fella vs. Brendan Black
Title versus Title

Don't you think you've earned the right to be in a main event...a real one...against someone who actually means something to this sport?

He shrugs.

Think about it Brendan -- but don't keep me waiting.

Steve drops the mic as Dave Matthews' "Two Steps" plays him out. He dusts his hands off and exits through the ropes, slapping hands with the Montreal crowd as he makes his way back up the ramp.

Sikes: Steve is throwing out challenges left and right tonight!

Dan: This is the Steve I like. The arrogant bastard version.

Sikes: I prefer the humble version.

Dan: When the Hell was there ever a humble version of Steve?!

Sikes: You know what I meant!

Dan: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Sikes: You're not helping.

Dan: You're not making sense.

Sikes: Can we get on with the show?

Dan: Our Champion comes out here and you want to dismiss everything that he said?

Sikes: That isn't what I said.

Dan: You wouldn't have done that if Nicholas Wolf came out here to recite poetry about toenail fungus.

Sikes: …

Dan: Hypocrite!

Sikes: I just want to get on with the show!

Dan: Fine.

Sikes: I'll start over.

Dan: Loser.

Sikes: Welcome to Montreal, ladies and gentlemen!

Dan: Aren't most of the people in the crowd from the general area?

Sikes: I wasn't talking to them!

Dan: Racist.

Sikes: Canadian is not a race.

Dan: How dare you?!

Sikes: What?!

Dan: Claiming that Canadians aren't human!

Sikes: I didn't say that!

Dan: You said they weren't a race!

Sikes: They're not!

Dan: I must apologize to our viewers. I had no idea that Sikes was so racist.

Sikes: They're not a race.

Dan: Keep telling yourself that, Adolph.

Sikes: …

Dan: You're already ruining the show.

Sikes: Let's just move on.

Dan: What's your next step? Regicide?

Sikes: Canada doesn't have a king.

Dan: What does that have to do with you wanting to wipe them out?

Sikes: I believe you're referring to genocide.

Dan: That's what I said.

Sikes: No, you said regicide.

Dan: Don't be ridiculous.

Sikes: It's what you said!

Dan: Why would I want to kill Reggie? He's a good guy.

Sikes: …

Dan: I grow bored of your racist ranting.

Sikes: I am not racist.

Dan: Can't you talk about something else? Anything else?

Sikes: I do have an update as to Simon Dehumanizer's condition.

Dan: Let me guess...he's still a moron?

Sikes: ...

Dan: ...

Sikes: Last week he went through the first of what could possibly be many arthroscopic surgeries to repair his extensively damaged shoulder. He's doing fine now and recovering nicely. Still, they'll have to wait and see how he does. More surgery could be needed but even at the best case scenario, he'll be out of action at least 6 to 9 months. And that's if they don't have to do any more surgery. We're all thinking of you, Simon and can't wait for you to get back here and continue Dehumanizing opponents like only you can.

Dan: Great...that was keeping me up nights wondering how Simon was doing.

Sikes: Of course that means Marge won't be back for some time either.

Dan: Damn. We need some more eye candy around here. Marge wasn't even really that hot, I just...didn't have anything else to look at.

Sikes: Besides the action in the ring every night?

Dan: You're sick.

Sikes: I'm talking about your job.

Dan: I'm talking about how your homosexual tendencies are affecting your job performance.

Sikes: MY job performance!?!

Ecuador is Lovely This Time of Year by Inkwell starts up and Val Nedved makes his way out along with Jackson Stone. The two look less than impressed as they head to the ring. The fans try to show a little support but the two men look rather distracted. They both climb into the ring and wait on their opponents.

Sikes: A lot of confusion surrounding these two men.

Dan: Are you insinuating they are gay lovers?

Sikes: No!! I'm talking about the mystery of Jack Fellow joining the J-Crew!

Dan: What mystery? His first name starts with a J.

Sikes: That seems too simple.

Dan: Have you met the members of J-Crew?

Sikes: ...yes...

Dan: Idiot.

image

The Pride hits and immediately the fans burst into a chorus of boos. Jack Fellow and the Desert Asp step out and smile to the horrible reaction. They make their way to the ring while Stone and Nedved look ready to go right now. The referee is trying to keep them at bay but as soon as Fellow and Asp are close enough, Nedved slides out to the floor. Stone follows him and Fellow takes off one way while the Asp goes the other way around the ring.

They slide in the ring at the same time with the two other men close behind them. Stone slides in after Asp while Nedved pursues Fellow. Asp and Fellow run towards each other and then just miss crashing into one another. Fellow leaps forward past Asp and spears Stone to the ground while Nedved bulldozes past the Asp with a nasty clothesline. Fellow gets up to admire his work but Nedved keeps running and clotheslines Fellow to the floor.

The referee grabs Nedved and forces him to the corner while Asp and Stone both get up. Fellow makes his way back to his own corner while the bell rings for the match to finally start. Stone swings a might haymaker but Asp ducks out of the way and dropkicks him in the ribs. Stone drops to a knee and Asp grabs him by surprise with a roll up.

1...

2...

Kickout by Stone!

Sikes: Stone and Nedved clearly want to exact some revenge for being double-crossed at the Supershow.

Dan: They're mostly upset Fellow got to join the J-Crew in an all-you-can-eat cake buffet and they weren't invited.

Sikes: Did that actually happen?

Dan: Probably, it is a very plausible story.

Sikes: I believed it.

Dan: Your opinion means nothing, you believe everything.

Sikes: No I don't!

Dan: Yes you do! There's a clause in your contract about it!

Sikes: Seriously!?

Dan: And I win.

Sikes: ...Dammit!

Asp races over to the ropes and bounces back in a fury. He dives at Stone with a flying forearm and collides with him, but doesn't knock him down. Stone stumbles back until he backs into the corner where Jack Fellow happens to be standing near. Asp runs over and hits a splash on Stone to keep him stunned in the corner before tagging in Fellow. Asp leaves the ring while Fellow steps inside and begins laying into Stone with heavy stomps.

Fellow backs away while the fans jeer him. Stone stumbles out of the corner towards Fellow and catches a low dropkick to the knee that knocks him flat on his stomach. Fellow eyes that same knee and grabs it, lifting it up and then slamming it down hard on the mat. Stone howls and holds his knee in pain while Fellow points to the Desert Asp before rolling out of the ring. Asp enters and hits a low dropkick to the face of Stone before making a cover.

1...

2...

Kickout by Stone!

Sikes: Fellow and Asp showing excellent chemistry here.

Dan: So now you're insinuating those two are gay lovers?

Sikes: Dan!!

Dan: You've got problems, Sikes.

Sikes: ...

Asp slithers back out to the floor while Fellow enters the ring once more. He pulls Stone to his feet and drives a hard knee into his gut. Fellow grabs Stone and hits a gutwrench suplex. He stands back up and looks over to Nedved while Stone rolls around in pain. Nedved sneers at him before Fellow turns back to Stone and slaps on a figure-four leglock. Stone cries out in agony while Nedved watches in concern.

Stone attempts to get to the ropes but Fellow isn't budging and Stone is in trouble. Nedved has had enough and races into the ring, nailing a helpless Fellow with a legdrop. Asp flies into the ring but Nedved catches him by surprise with a forearm to the head, knocking him back. Stone rolls to the outside but falls to the ground, his leg badly hurt. Fellow crawls to the outside before Nedved can turn his attention on him again.

Asp ducks a clothesline attempt from Nedved. Asp jumps on his back and applies a headlock. Nedved walks around for a moment before reaching up and grabbing hold of Asp. He wrenches forward while pulling and sends Asp over and slamming down back first on the mat. Nedved lifts his foot up and immediately stomps hard on the head of the Desert Asp before pinning him.

1...

2...

Kickout by Desert Asp!

Sikes: Nedved showing a meaner side here and it seems to be working.

Dan: Crushing people's heads usually is a good tactic for winning.

Sikes: Someone should check on Stone, he is still down on the outside.

Dan: He's faking it!

Sikes: Looks pretty real to me.

Asp pulls himself back up and Nedved hooks him from behind. He goes for a German suplex but Asp lands on his feet somehow. Nedved spins to face him and Asp slides under his legs and out to the floor. Fellow enters and as Nedved turns Fellow decks him with a running clothesline.

Fellow lines him up and Nedved gets to his feet and nearly eats a superkick but catches Fellow's leg. He sweeps him to the mat and goes for what looks to be a modified sharpshooter. Fellow squirms and then twists suddenly, taking Nedved down out of nowhere. Fellow re-aligns his legs and just about locks in a figure four before Nedved kicks him in the jaw and backs away.

The two men get up while Stone has finally made it back to his corner, clearly favoring his leg. Fellow and Stone go to lock up but Fellow rolls away and then runs and dropkicks Stone in his bad leg, sending him to the floor in a heap. Fellow turns back to Nedved and is leveled with a spinning spinebuster into the middle of the ring. Nedved makes the cover.

1...

2...

Kickout by Fellow!

Sikes: Fellow nearly cost J-Crew the match with that cheapshot!

Dan: Fellow somehow using strategy for once, give him a break.

Sikes: Why should I!?

Dan: Because even that lunatic could beat you silly.

Sikes: It isn't like I'm going to tell him to his face how I feel.

Dan: That sounds like the Sikes I know and hate.

Sikes: You mean "know and love"?

Dan: Nope, hate. Don't ever correct me again.

Sikes: Ugh!

Fellow gets to his knees but Nedved kicks at him several times to keep him down. Fellow rolls out of the ring instead but Nedved follows this time. Nedved grabs him and slams his head off the side of the ring. Fellow stumbles backwards, trying to regain his composure. Asp runs across the ring apron and then dives, crashing into Nedved and taking both men out.

Fellow rolls back into the ring and slowly gets to his feet. He looks back but Nedved and Asp are still dazed on the floor. Stone crawls into the ring from behind while Fellow remains distracted. He calls for Asp to get up but to no avail. Stone limps over to Fellow and catches him by surprise with a schoolboy.

1...

2...

Kickout by Fellow!

Sikes: Stone showing some signs of life here!

Dan: That cripple almost won the match!

Sikes: I thought you said he was faking it?

Dan: I warned you smartass! Now you get hit!

Sikes: OW!!!

Dan: Do it again!

Sikes: ...

Fellow gets up and so does Stone. They lock up but Fellow drives a knee into Stone's already hurt leg. Fellow takes advantage with a tie-up into a pumphandle drop. Fellow climbs to the top rope while Stone is flat on his back. Fellow leaps off but Stone rolls away from danger and Fellow slams down onto the mat chest-first. Fellow rolls around in pain while Stone crawls to the ropes and pulls himself up.

Nedved is back at the corner calling for a tag but Stone shrugs him off. He limps over to Fellow who is struggling to get back up. Stone makes a hand gesture and goes in for the kill but Fellow suddenly cracks him in the jaw with a superkick. Fellow scrambles to the top rope and then connects with the Crowd Pleaser! He goes for the cover.

1...

2...

Thr- Broken up by Nedved!

Sikes: Nedved with the save!

Dan: So when he does it you call it a save but when a Nightcat does it they are a monster?

Sikes: You're taking it out of context!

Dan: You can't even spell context!

Sikes: ...

The referee forces Nedved back to his corner while Stone lies on the mat, seemingly paralyzed. Fellow gets up and looks over at him before cracking a smile. Fellow turns back to Stone and drags him back to his feet. He wrenches an arm and half walks, half drags him towards the Asp. Fellow tags him in and then hoists Stone up for a sidewalk slam. Asp scales the top rope and leaps off, nailing a leg drop as Fellow slams Stone down.

Fellow rolls to the floor while Asp stomps on the downed Stone. Asp races back up to the top rope and stands with his arms raised for a moment. He screams out and then leaps off looking for Snakes on a Plane but at the last possible second Stone rolls out of the way! Asp writhes on the mat while Stone makes the slow crawl to Nedved. He makes the tag as Asp finally gets to his feet.

Nedved races into the ring and nearly decapitates the Asp with a running clothesline. Nedved follows through and runs right over to the corner, nailing Fellow and knocking him to the floor. The crowd cheers wildly as Nedved roars with momentum. He turns back to Asp and grabs him by the throat. He raises him high in the air and drills him down with a chokeslam. He goes for the cover.

1...

2...

Thr- No!

Kickout by Desert Asp!

Sikes: I thought it was over!

Dan: Well it should come as no surprise that you thought wrong.

Sikes: What?

Dan: Again.

Sikes: ...

Asp lies doubled over on the mat while Nedved gets to his feet and stares down at him. He drags him up but Asp falls back down, lying on the bottom rope now. Nedved kicks at him then pulls him back up again. At this point, Asp has pulled what looks like handcuffs from a hidden pocket and Nedved has no idea. As Nedved starts to hook Asp for another big move, the Asp cuffs Nedved's wrist to the ropes.

Nedved stops, realizing his arm is caught and looks. Asp rakes his in the eyes and somersaults out of the way. Asp starts to attack Nedved while he struggles to break the handcuffs. Fellow grabs a chair from outside the ring and slides into the ring. The referee finally spots the cuffs and calls for the bell while Nedved fends off the Desert Asp.

Winners by Disqualification, Val Nedved & Jackson Stone!

Sikes: This looks very bad for Nedved!

Dan: Limpy Jack needs to make the save!

Sikes: Limpy Jack?

Dan: Jackson Stone you idiot, try to follow along.

Sikes: Right...

Nedved stops Asp by gripping his throat with his free arm but Fellow walks over and blasts him from behind with the steel chair. Nedved drops to a knee and Fellow levels him again, across the back with another devastating chair shot. Stone enters the ring, injured leg and all. Asp runs over to him and eats a haymaker for his troubles. He drops down to the mat.

Stone turns towards Fellow who cracks the chair into Stone's bad leg. Jackson drops immediately, screaming out in pain. Fellow raises the chair up high and brings it down hard onto the battered leg of Stone. A few officials attempt to enter the ring but Asp and Fellow chase them away. Nedved lies against the ropes in pain, watching everything unable to do a thing. Fellow looks over to him and smiles.

Sikes: We need help out here now!

Dan: The J-Crew can't be stopped!

Fellow passes the chair to Asp who uses it to keep the referees and officials from getting into the ring. Fellow points to Nedved and sneers before grabbing hold of Stone. He applies a figure-four to the hurt leg while Asp keeps everyone else back. Nedved shakes his head and yells at Fellow to stop but he pretends not to hear him. Fellow wrenches the leg hard and Nedved desperately tries to tear free of the handcuffs to no avail.

Finally more officials race down and Asp can't keep them all back. They pour into the ring as Fellow finally releases the hold and rolls to the outside. Asp runs out of the ring as well and the two head back up the ramp. The fans deafen the arena with boos while Fellow smiles and waves at Nedved. Asp shows the key for the handcuffs before tossing it into the crowd.

Sikes: I don't believe what they did here tonight.

Dan: Yeah this doesn't look good for Jackson Stone...

Sikes: What a disgusting attack and ruined ending to a perfectly good match.

Dan: The look on Nedved's face says it all.

Sikes: Just rotten...

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]]> Canada Invasion 2: Toronto http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/21/canada-invasion-2-toronto Sun, 04 Dec 2011 12:42:50 -0700 ELITE 21@/discussions
image

The crowd goes nuts!  People jump up and down screaming in glee.  The camera pans over the crowd.  More pyro explodes!  Someone screams. 
Finally, the camera settles on the commentary table, manned as always by Dan and Sikes.

Sikes: Welcome to Toronto!

Dan: I can't believe you screamed like that.

Sikes: I did not!

Dan: I was sitting right here.  It was totally you.

Sikes: It was not.  Stop making things up.

Dan: Everyone knows it was you.  Who's going to believe you over me?

Sikes: Uh, pretty much everyone.

Dan: Keep living in your own little delusional universe, Tater. 

Sikes: I did not scream.

Dan: Liar.

Sikes: Why would I scream?  There's always pyro.

Dan: Because you're a candy ass bitch.  That's why.

Sikes: Seriously, Dan.

Dan: This is the part of the show where you beg me to drop the subject so you can get on with the show.

Sikes: Yes, I appreciate that.

Dan: Go ahead.

Sikes: Thank you.

Dan: You screaming sissy.

Sikes: Dan.

Dan: What?

Sikes: Stop.

Dan: Why haven't you moved on yet?

Sikes: We've got another incredible show for you tonight!

Dan: I'm sure.

Sikes: James Kash will make his second defense since winning the ELW Championship.

Dan: He faced Bags the last time.  Who's his next opponent?  The janitor?

Sikes: Val Nedved!

Dan: Meh, a match against AK would have been a bigger deal.

Sikes: Val's been on quite the tear since his debut!

Dan: So has Kash. 

Sikes: Something has to give!

Dan: Whatever.  What else have you got?

Sikes: The massive Don Ramos looks to build from last week's win against the always dangerous Profit!

Dan: Ah, the age old tale of Goliath versus the angry, larger than average guy.  A classic.

Sikes: I'm not sure what Profit did to wind up in the ring with Ramos, but he can't be happy about it.

Dan: Profit's never happy about anything.

Sikes: Mad Monkey makes his in ring return against Lance Steadfast!

Dan: WHAT?!

Sikes: I know, right?!  It's going to be huge!

Dan: Who's the idiot who didn't save this match for a Supershow?!  I hope someone gets his stupid ass fired over this one!

Sikes: You'd have to think the winner will go a long way toward impressing the powers that be into granting him a shot at the Universal Championship somewhere down the line.

Dan: You'd think.  Instead, they'll probably have the winner face Bags.

Sikes: …

Dan: Stop staring and hype the fucking Universal Championship Match.

Sikes: Right!

Dan: I always get stuck doing your job for you.

Sikes: Tonight, in that very ring, Joshua Jones will receive his first ever shot at the Universal Championship, when he squares off against the Champion, Suicide Steve Fella in a Steel Cage Match!!!

Dan: Not bad.

Sikes: Thank you.

Dan: For someone making minimum wage.

Sikes: Knock it off, Dan. 

Dan: Make me.

Sikes: Don't think I'm not tempted.

Dan: HA!

Sikes: I'm getting word that Thomas Williams is backstage with our ELW Champion!

Dan: Good for him?

Sikes: Let's take you there now!

The ELW Champion walks into view standing underneath the ELITE Banner as Thomas Williams stands there with a microphone in hand. James Kash looks down at Thomas with a smirk across his face and confidence filling the room.

Thomas Williams: Mr. Kash, you fired back at your opponent with so much hatred and animosity, what has he done to upset you so much?

“Thomas, did you even pay attention to what I said or are you just asking questions from a card?”

The camera points down to reveal a stacks of cards in the hands of Thomas Williams who looks up at the camera with a shit eating grin.

“What the hell Thomas, I thought you at least had more sense that your idiot Uncle. Get the hell out of here.”

James takes the mic from Thomas’s hands and forcefully pushes him out of the view of the camera.

“What has “Val” done that has gotten me so upset. It’s simple really and in case others didn’t pay attention to what I had to say it’s very simple.”

“The man posing as “Val” is doing just that posing. He’s a man living behind a false identity thinking that he has everybody fooled. The fact that everybody knows who he is has yet to register in that book smart brain of his.”

“The gig is up, I let the cat out of the bag, I exposed you for who you are, if everybody was able to put two and two together. I’m the coward, but you’re the one that has hidden their true identity.”

“As the ELW Champion I’m going to expose you once again for who you really are after you choke in the middle of the ring just like you have done in the past.”

“Hopefully after this you’ll be able to remove your mask and redeem yourself, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. So I hope your ready to have your ass handed to you, because it’s going to happen and I’ll enjoy every minute of it.”

“Bank On It!”

Sikes: What was that all about?

Dan: I have no idea.

Sikes: Who does Kash think Val Nedved really is?

Dan: How would I know?

Sikes: I wasn't asking you!

Dan: Then don't fucking ask me!

Sikes: I don't know.  Kash sounds a little paranoid to me. 

Dan: Whatever.

Sikes: Well there sure is a lot of bad blood between our next two competitors.

Dan: How could there not be? Nedved bores everyone into a silent rage!

Sikes: I'm not really sure if that's what happened but Kash had many strong words for his opponent.

Dan: Who the hell knows what he was talking about? They just both sound mad.

Sikes: The belt is up for grabs in this one!

Dan: Oh right, because nobody understood that from the advertisement right?

Sikes: ...well...

Dan: Shut up!

image

Middle Finger hits the arena as the boo’s drown out all noise. The ELW Champion James Kash steps out onto the stage dressed in a new suit. Dark Sunglasses cover his eyes as he looks out into the crowd with a smirk of confidence. The ELW Championship rest across his right shoulder as he slowly makes his way to the ring jeering at the fans. He flips off a few fans before entering the ring.

Sikes: This man is an ass.

Dan: Are you even allowed to swear?

Sikes: In his case I'm making an exception.

Dan: Wow, so bad ass Sikes.

Ecudor Is Lovely This Time of Year by Inkwell hits and Nedved storms to the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd. They seem reluctant at first but get behind the man they hope can beat the man they dislike more. Val Nedved doesn't seem to care, he slides into the ring and makes a beeline for Kash. The referee tries to slow Nedved down in order to start the match properly but Kash sucker punches Nedved, knocking him back.

Sikes: Cheap hot!

Dan: Nedved was going after him first!

Sikes: I forgot that you actually like James Kash.

Dan: I like everyone more than I like you.

The match begins with Kash running up and kicking Nedved in the back of the knee, taking him off his feet. He tries to stomp the leg but Nedved rolls away. He gets up with Kash running at him. Kash goes for a back elbow strike but Nedved ducks it. Kash turns around and eats a big right hand from Nedved. Val fills him in with several shots while a stunned Kash tries to cover up. Nedved drives a knee into his gut and then goes for a belly to belly.

Kash stops him by clapping both hands harshly against Nedved's ears. Kash then rakes the eyes of Nedved, backing him off. Kash then grabs hold of Nedved and spins, hitting a nice belly to belly suplex. Kash pops up and begins stomping viciously onto Nedved's shoulders and chest. Nedved tries to cover up and Kash drops onto his neck with a heavy legdrop. Kash hooks a leg.

1...

2...

Kickout by Nedved!

Sikes: All offense for James Kash right now, dammit.

Dan: Nedved needs to get his shit together!

Sikes: No kidding!

Dan: No, I wasn't kidding, dummy.

Kash walks over to the ropes and raises his arms to an immediate chorus of boos from the crowd. He lines Nedved up while Val shakes his head and pulls himself up. Kash runs up behind him, aiming carefully for the chopblock but Nedved suddenly jumps at the last second. Kash hits the mat after missing and Nedved falls onto him with an elbow into the back. Nedved then begins to pound on Kash while James uses his arms to cover his head and neck.

Nedved beats on his back and ribs before getting to his feet. He pulls Kash up and sets up for a powerbomb. He hauls him up but Kash rolls through and levels Nedved with a picture perfect DDT. Kash sits up while Nedved rolls on the mat in pain. Kash grins to more booing before rolling over and pinning Nedved.

1...

2...

Kickout by Nedved!

Sikes: Kash is very cocky tonight, I hope it bites him in the a...

Dan: Okay enough swearing out of you!

Sikes: But...

Dan: Nope, only I may swear consistently from here on out.

Sikes: Bah!

Kash pulls Nedved back to his feet and hooks him for a modified fisherman's suplex. Nedved struggles and then drops down, catching Kash by surprise with a small package.

Sikes: He's got him!
1...

2...

Kickout by Kash!

Dan:No dice!

Both men get up awkwardly but Kash spins and wipes Nedved out with a nasty clothesline. This quiets the steady cheers from the crowd. Kash yanks Nedved back up and then hits a butterfly suplex that slams Nedved to the mat with authority. Kash screams something at the crowd to some more boos before pinning Nedved.

1...

2...

Kickout by Nedved!

Sikes: Come on Val!

Dan: So now you're a Nedved fan?

Sikes: Tonight I certainly am!

Dan: I see...

Kash brings Nedved back to his feet and lines him up before hitting him in the mouth with a nasty jab. This stumbles Nedved back but he gets his hands up now. Kash comes in strong and lands an uppercut to Nedved's gut. Nedved lowers in pain but suddenly lunges forward and headbutts Kash in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards. Nedved roars forward and avalanches Kash in the corner with a big splash.

Nedved backs up and looks around while Kash leans against the corner dazed. Nedved leaps forward with another splash for good measure. Nedved backs up while Kash slowly starts to fall forward. Nedved grabs him before he drops and pulls him in. NEdved then sets it up and hits the Basic Piledriver on Kash! Nedved goes for the cover while the crowd cheers wildly.

Sikes: He's gonna get him!
1...

2...

3..NO!!!

Kickout by Kash!

Sikes: SO CLOSE!

Dan: For fuck sakes don't scream into the headset!

Sikes: Sorry!

Dan: My god damn ears!

Sikes: My bad...

Dan: Shut up.

Nedved gets up in disbelief while Kash rolls to his side, completely out of it. Nedved gets up and argues with the referee while the crowd begins to boo. Jack Fellow comes running out wielding a steel chair while Nedved still doesn't see him. Nedved turns to Kash who is slowly trying to get back up. Fellow slides into the ring just as Nedved suddenly spins around. Fellow throws the chair at him as a distraction and then kicks him in the gut.

Fellow sets up for Lost & Found but Nedved backdrops him right over the ropes and to the floor instead. Nedved looks up in time to see Kash get to his feet. Kash lunges at Nedved but Val ducks and rolls with Kash, rolling him up with a schoolboy from out of nowhere!

1...

2...
Sikes: New champion!
THR..NO!!!

Kickout by Kash!

Dan: Wrong again, idiot.

Both men get up dazed and confused. Kash goes for a weak clothesline but Nedved ducks under it and runs to the ropes. He bounces with a head of steam and comes full charge at Kash. James turns quickly though and catches Nedved by surprise with the Lights Out! Both men lie still on the mat before Kash slowly rolls over and makes a cover on Nedved.

1...
Sikes: NO NO NO!
2...
Sikes: Noooooo!
3...NO!!!

Kickout by Nedved!

Sikes: YES!!!

Dan: Calm down dammit!

Sikes: I just don't want to see Kash keep winning!

Dan: Well stop screaming like a 12-year-old girl at least!

Sikes: K.

Kash slowly pushes himself up to his knees and looks at the referee in disgust. He gets to his feet and walks right up into the referee's face, screaming at him now. Nedved stirs and uses the ropes to regain his feet. Kash spits at the referee who finally has had enough and shoves Kash back. Kash turns and Nedved drills him with a running clothesline. Instead of cheering though the fans begin to boo because Fellow has re-entered the ring.

He grabs the steel chair once again and lurks up behind Nedved. Once again though Nedved somehow realizes it at the last second and turns around to see Fellow approaching. Fellow swings the chair wildly and Nedved rolls away. The chair cracks across Kash's skull instead as he was getting up. The sound is deafening and brings forth a loud reaction from the crowd. Kash drops to the mat in a heap while Nedved runs over and drills Fellow over the ropes and back to the floor.

Nedved turns back to Kash who is still out from the chair shot. Nedved pulls him up and hooks him carefully. Nedved lifts Kash high and then hits Val's Impaler! The crowd goes insane as Nedved rolls over and hooks a leg.

1...

2...

3!!!

Winner via pinfall, and NEW ELW Champion, Val Nedved!

Sikes: He did it!

Dan: I can't believe what I just saw!

Sikes: Val Nedved has taken the ELW title away from James Kash!

Dan: That was a short run!

Nedved gets up in shock while the referee searches for the belt to present to him. Val raises his arms in victory while Kash is still laid out. The referee leaves the ring to find the ELW belt while Nedved gets up slowly, grinning away now. Fellow sneaks back into the ring with the ELW Title though and runs full force at Nedved.

Val turns around too late this time and takes a shot from his newly won title directly in the face, knocking him savagely to the mat. The crowd immediately begins to boo and jeer while Fellow gets up, holding the ELW belt up. He lays it out carefully before picking Nedved's slumped body back up. Fellow sets him up and lands the Lost & Found onto the ELW belt!

Nedved briefly twitches before going still. Blood oozes from a jagged gash on his forward now while Fellow gets up and cheers for himself. Fellow grabs the ELW Title and raises it high to a chorus of thunderous boos. Fellow straps the belt around his waist and leaves while the crowd continually boos him the whole way. Medical staff race to the ring to check on Kash and Nedved.

Sikes: What the hell has Jack Fellow just done here?

Dan: Fellow probably thinks that he's the ELW Champion now.

Sikes: Nedved could be seriously hurt...

Dan: What a strange turn of events...

The camera switches to Profit sitting on the hood of a sports car in a parking garage. His gear is on and he looks to be in a state of meditation.

Last week, I messed up. Bad. I came in against the Kittie and I was overconfident. That has been my problem in ELITE since day 1. I assumed you all knew who I was. I’m not Mike Williams. I am not the guy who lost to Nightcat. Not a street thug. I am the beast revealed in Revelations. A monster sent by a vengeful God to clean the vermin from this planet. I am the flood that baptized this planet in Death. With a capital D. I am the pale horse, a diseased horsemen riding through God’s chosen victims, withering the unrepentant. I am more than a problem, friends. I am the final solution, the kind no facist genocide could touch. I am above and beyond a big fucking deal. I am Profit. Ramos. Who are you exactly? A big scary guy? I’m glad my rebirth will come at the squashing of a giant. Tonight, I shave Samson bald with the Hand of an archangel.

With that, Profit stands up and walks into the arena.
image

Sikes: Profit sounds confident, but I just don't know.

Dan: You don't know anything. 

Sikes: He's facing an uphill battle.


Dan: Was that a height joke?


Sikes: I-

KzZZ|zzzzZ|zt

Kz-z-z--zT-TTTTKkkzzzz

KkrrrrrRRrs---sssSS|||Ssss%#unknown-sshhh


Our current feed is overtaken by a barrage of static. A tropical paradise with one solitary palm tree. A wrestling ring with empty arena. A wild storm, midnight. Heavy brush all being pounded by the storm.

The scenes switch until you notice a face. Was it a face?

They switch again.

Your eyes have taken role of the magician.

Until the scene is finally revealed

It is him.
With a temper rivaling the storm he's found himself in.

You sound bitter.

You sound as if you're owed something.

As if you're guaranteed something.
Whether it be gold etched onto a leather belt, or respect.

You deserve neither.

You need to have your ass beat.

You've gone and thrown everything away. What did I tell you, Josh?

Be yourself. If they don't like you; if they don't respect you, someone will.
Be yourself.

What is this facade?

Who are these nobodies you've surrounded yourself with?

What is this lifestyle?

You've earned a Universal Title Shot and I commend you for that, but you lack the qualities of a champion.
Your practices render you incapable of carrying that load.

I stand out here...

I've realized words won't work, but I'm just going to let it be known.

I'm coming.

You've spit in my face.
You wasted my time.

You've become the man that I despise.

A weak shell for such a strong soul, and I will take it upon myself to separate the two.

The path you've taken lead you to nowhere but me.

Right where you began.

It's up to you if you want it to end there, Josh.

I will see you soon.

Fade.

Sikes: What was that all about?!

Dan: Who?  What the Hell is going on here?!

Sikes: That was... it was... Unknown!

Dan: If you don't know, don't say anything!

Sikes: No, you idiot!  It's Unknown!

Dan: What are you talking about?!

Sikes: He's a wrestling legend!  He's also the guy who trained Joshua Jones!

Dan: I'll kill him!

Sikes: This is serious.  Sounds like he's very unhappy with his pupil. 

Dan: Why would he be angry with his eye?

Sikes: ...

I Just Had Sex hits.  Don Ramos steps through the curtain.  He's surrounded by half a dozen gorgeous women of different ethnic backgrounds.  Ramos doesn't discriminate.  Hot is hot.

Dan: Damn, those women are even flier than last time.

Sikes: Flier?  Really?

Golden glitter rains from the ceiling.  Babes in tow, Ramos struts toward the ring.

Sikes: I just don't see how anyone's going to stop this guy.  Look at him.

Dan: You know what they say.

Sikes: The bigger they are, the harder they fall?

Dan: The bigger they are, the more it hurts.

Sikes: In that case, he's bringing a lot of pain.

image

Killing in the Name hits unexpectedly. 
Ramos is only halfway to the ring when Profit rushes down the ramp and slams into him! 
The impact knocks Ramos back a step, but he keeps his feet.  Profit hammers away with a barage of rights and lefts.
Ramos's women scatter in every direction.  They're screaming bloody murder. 

Sikes: Profit attacks Ramos before the match even starts!

Dan: Good strategy.

Ramos stuns Profit with a huge chop and follows with a massive headbutt that knocks Profit to the floor.

Dan: So much for that plan.

Sikes: Don Ramos is just too big.

Dan: I'll leave the jokes to the listening audience.

Sikes: You know what I meant!

Dan: Yes, we do know.

Ramos stomps at Profit, but Profit rolls out of the way.  Ramos kicks, clipping Profit with enough force to send him rolling down the ramp. 

Sikes: Ramos is really giving it to Profit!

Dan: Just stop!

Grabbing the apron, Profit pulls himself to his feet.  Ramos half runs down and unloads with a clothesline, but Profit ducks it.  Profit starts pounding away at Ramos with rights and lefts, mostly working the body.  Ramos catches Profit with a brutal back elbow that spins Profit into the ring steps!

Sikes: Profit is not going to win a brawl against Ramos.

Dan: He's got to try.  What else does he bring to the table?

Ramos catches Profit with a big boot, knocking him over the steps.  Profit crashes to the floor, the back of his head bouncing hard.

Sikes: This match might not even get started!

Ramos kicks the steps, knocking them onto Profit!

Sikes: Enough already!  Stop the match!

Dan: It hasn't even started yet!

Ramos walks around the steps, but suddenly Profit kicks them into Ramos!

Sikes: Profit's still fighting!

Dan: No shit?

With Ramos stunned, Profit rolls to his feet.  He kicks Ramos in his gut and unloads with an European Uppercut!!

Sikes: That one really rocked Ramos!

Profit unloads with a second European Uppercut!! 
Profit kicks Ramos in his gut, doubling him over.  Profit goes for a DDT, but Ramos shoves Profit backward.

Dan: Ramos just threw Profit six or seven feet with that push.

Sikes: I just don't see how Profit can win this fight.

Profit rolls into the ring.  Ramos climbs onto the apron.  Profit runs at Ramos, but Ramos gets a big hand out and shoves Profit backward. 

Sikes: So much power on display.

Ramos steps over the top rope.  That's when Profit throws himself against Ramos's leg, causing Ramos to crotch himself on the top rope!

Dan: That's good thinking!

Ramos is clearly in pain, as one would expect.  Profit backs up a few steps.  He gets a bit of a running start before blasting Ramos in the back of the head with a massive lariat!!
Ramos falls into the ring, crashing to the mat!

Sikes: I don't believe it!

Dan: That's one way to take a giant off his feet.

Profit kicks Ramos several times, but Ramos shoves Profit back yet again.

Sikes: Profit's relentlessness seems to be getting to Ramos!

Profit nails Ramos with a running boot to the side of the head.  Ramos goes down, rolling onto his back.  Profit makes the cover.

Sikes: And somehow, Profit gets the first pin fall attempt!
1...

Ramos throws Profit aside. 

Sikes: No way.

Profit throws himself back at Ramos, but Ramos catches him with a forearm to the side of the head.  Profit rolls to the side, holding his face. 

Sikes: Profit can't keep trading blows like this.

Dan: You never stop.  Do you?

Sikes: Will you stop twisting everything I say!

Dan: The scary part is that I haven't needed to twist anything.

Both men slowly rise to their feet.  Profit circles around Ramos, looking a bit reluctant to get back into the long reach of his towering opponent.  Ramos backs Profit toward the ropes.  Profit tries to slip away, but Ramos throws a big arm out to block his path.  Ramos tosses Profit into the corner!

Sikes: Uh oh!

Ramos smashes Profit with a clothesline in the corner!

Sikes: Ramos squashed Profit!

Dan: Squishy Profit?

Profit tries to slump out of the corner, but Ramos keeps him there so he can deliver a second massive clothesline!  This time, Profit falls limply to the mat. 

Sikes: That has to do it!

Dan: We'll know soon.

Ramos makes the cover.

1...

2...

Th- Profit grabs the rope!

Sikes: TWO!

Dan: Had Ramos pulled Profit out of the corner, this match might be over right now.

Sikes: But surely it's academic at this point anyway.

Dan: You never know in this business.

Ramos grabs Profit.  He hooks a leg...
Sikes: Here it comes!
Profit starts punching like crazy, delivering blow after vicious blow to Ramos's ribs.  Ramos has no option but to let go.  Ramos staggers back a step, holding his side.

Sikes: Profit fought out of it!

Just as Ramos takes a step back toward Profit, Profit explodes forward with God's Right Hand!!!

Sikes: Oh, my God! 

Dan: Profit just laid out the monster!

Sikes: Did you see that?!

Dan: No, I was guessing.

Sikes: ...

Profit makes the cover.

Sikes: No one gets up after that.
1...

2...

3!!!

Sikes: Profit takes down Don Ramos!

Dan: That was quite the statement. 

Sikes: I didn't think we'd ever see Ramos lose!

Dan: I had a feeling-

Sikes: You liar!

Dan: What?  I totally said that Profit was going to-

Sikes: You did no such thing!

Profit rolls out of the ring. 
Ramos makes it to a seated position.  He looks dazed and shocked.  Most of all, he looks angry.
Very angry.

Sikes: I'd hate to be whoever Ramos chooses to take this loss out on.

Dan: I'm hoping he picks you.

Sikes: Dan.

image
]]> NSFW 1 http://elite.zmannzilla.com/discussion/31/nsfw-1 Mon, 05 Dec 2011 08:44:05 -0700 ELITE 31@/discussions
This is Nova Scotia Freestyle Wrestling!!!

NSFW's commentary team is back.  Long time ELITE backstage interviewer, and nephew of Sikes, Thomas Williams smiles and waves.  Sitting next to him is the often irritable Jack Haggert.  

Thomas: We're back!

Jack: I'm still not convinced that this is a good idea.

Thomas: Oh, don't be a buzz kill.  

Jack: I really need the money.  I really need the money.  I really need the money.

Thomas: What are you doing?

Jack: Reminding myself of why I came back to this job.

Thomas: This is going to be fun!

Jack: Unlikely.

Thomas: We've got an amazing card lined up this evening!

Jack: You couldn't pick half the wrestlers out of a lineup.

Thomas: That's not true!

Jack: Liar.

Thomas: I'm so happy to be back!

Jack: Ugh.

Thomas: And I'm being told that our new General Manager is waiting for us backstage!

Jack: …

Thomas: I'm so excited!  It's our first backstage segment!

Jack: ...

Backstage a small furry...um, man sort of...with a giant nose is strutting down the hall wearing blue tights with red Underoos over the top and a cape that says "Mex" inside the Superman logo.  He appears to be grinning...but his face may always look like that.  When I say furry, I mean covered from head to toe in thick fur.  If I didn't know any better I'd say he wasn't human...  

GM Dan the Man emerges from the bathroom and nearly runs into the wee little fur bag...

Hey watch where you're...what the...fuck?

HO-La!  Yo mee llamo...oh sorry.  Forgot where I was. 

He speaks with a sort of Hispanic accent, that sounds more like Brooklyn.  

My name is Gorrrrrrdon Mexicolaaaaaa!

But he rolls his "R's" beautifully.

Let me guess...Sikes hired you didn't he?

Ahh, muy guapo y intelligente.  Tu es quite the dos threat aren't you?

Oh...well, yes I am.  Good to meet someone with some sense around here.  Even if you do...

Dan looks Gordon up and down again, his momentary grin fading back to disgust.

Actually forget I almost paid you a compliment.  You're a freaking weirdo.  Stay away from me.

Gracias, mi amigo!  El pleasuro was all mine if tu know what I mean, eh?  Ha ha ha!!!

What?  English is not your first language is it?  Not even sure if Spanish is your first language.  Still...there's something familiar about you...

Perhaps tu saw me in your dreams last night?  Eh?

What?  Why am I still talking to you?  Leave me alone!

Dan goes to storm off but Gordon slaps him on the ass and says...

Mmhmmhmmm...meaty!

Hey!  I'm your boss you know!  I deserve respect.  Another move like that and I'll kick your ass to the curb so fast...

I'll be begging tu to kick it again, eh?  Yo gusto the rough stuff!

Gordon does an Eddie Guerrero like dance strut as Dan storms off down the hall red faced.  Meanwhile in the other direction Sikes peeks his head around the corner and chuckles...

Thomas: That was... definitely different.

Jack: What is that little idiot up to?

Thomas: Jack!  You can't say that!

Jack: Say what?

Thomas: You can't insult Gordon based on his size!

Jack: What are you talking about?  I was referring to Sikes.

Thomas: Oh...

Jack: Idiot.

Thomas: Wait!

Barrington Hall hits.  Daniel Richards enters to a mixed reaction.  He heads for the ring, not really seeming to give a crap one way or the other about much of anything.  

Thomas: I'm so excited!

Jack: About Daniel Richards?

Thomas: About our first match!

Jack: Yeah, okay then.

Thomas: We're back, baby!

Jack: Don't yell, and never call me baby.

Richards climbs onto the apron and steps between the ropes.  

Sweet Home Alabama hits.  Gregory Hicks steps through the curtains.  There's not much a reaction from the fans, because no one knows him.  He doesn't let this bother him, as he flashes a quick smile and heads for the ring.  

Thomas: This looks like it's going to be quite the match!

Jack: Do you know anything about this Hicks guy?

Thomas: It says in my notes that he's from Alabama.

Jack: Thrilling.

Thomas: And that he has some training in Jiu-Jitsu.

Jack: We're rapidly reaching the point where everyone on the planet has dabbled in Jiu-Jitsu.

Hicks slides under the bottom rope. He pushes himself to his feet.  

Thomas: Greg Hicks is a big guy.  I hope Richards doesn't take him lightly.

Jack: Who is Daniel Richards to take anyone lightly?

Thomas: He had some success previously.

Jack: And I won a round of darts last night.  Doesn't make me believe that I'm an expert at it.

Thomas: You played darts?

Jack: Sure did.

Thomas: Why wasn't I invited?

Jack: No one likes you.

Richards gets into Greg's face.

Thomas: I don't like his attitude.

Jack: You don't anything about Hicks.

Thomas: I'm not talking about Hicks!

Richards throws a right hand, but Greg blocks it.  Greg comes back with a punch of his own.  Richards throws one.  Greg responds.  The two men trade punches in the center of the ring.

Thomas: And we're off!

Greg rocks Richards with a forearm.  Greg spin, leveling Richards with a back elbow.

Thomas: Greg Hicks looks like he hits a ton!

Jack: Was that anywhere in your notes?

Thomas: Shut up.

Greg kicks at Richards, but Richards rolls out of the way.  Richards rolls out of the ring.

Thomas: Coward!

Jack: He's not running away.  He's getting some distance.

Thomas: Looks like he's running scared to me!

Jack: That's because you're an idiot.

Greg starts to step through the ropes, but Richards jumps up and punches Greg right in his face.  Greg staggers backward.

Thomas: Cheap shot!

Jack: Smart strategy.

Richards slides into the ring and tackles Greg to the mat!

Jack: And now Daniel Richards can take advantage.

Richards hammers away with a flurry of rights and lefts, leaving Greg with no option but to cover up and withstand the punishment.  

Thomas: Closed fists!  Closed fists!  Cheating! Cheating!

Jack: What are you throwing a tantrum about now?

Thomas: He's using his fists!

Jack: I wish I could use my fist right now.

Richards throws a huge right hand, but Greg blocks it.  Greg gets a hold of Richards' arm and pulls him to the mat.  Greg goes for a Guillotin- Richards wisely jerks away.  In fact, Richards pulls back so hard that he loses his balance and falls.  

Thomas: That was close!

Jack: I'd nearly forgotten how little I enjoy working with you.

Both men get to their feet.  

Thomas: They'll probably feel each other out a little now.

Jack: Have you ever watched wrestling?

Thomas: I've been an employee for years!

Jack: That doesn't answer my question.

The two men lock up.  Greg uses his size advantage to muscle Richards back.  Richards twists and slips loose, getting in behind Greg and applying a rear waist lock.  Richards takes Greg to the mat.  Richards slides around on Greg's back, shifting into a front face lock.  

Jack: Daniel Richards reminds everyone that he's a solid mat technician.

Even with Richards hanging all over him, Greg muscles his way to his feet.  

Thomas: Hicks is up!

Jack: Thanks for sharing.

Greg pushes Richards into the ropes.  Richards rebounds back into Greg.  Greg lowers his shoulder and unloads onto Richards, knocking him hard into the ropes.  Richards starts to fall, but gets a hand on the rope, catching himself.  

Thomas: Yeah!  Get him!

Jack: You're really on the Gregory Hicks bandwagon, considering that you didn't even know who he was until a few minutes ago.

Thomas: I like his attitude!

Jack: What attitude?  He hasn't said or done anything!

Thomas: There's just something about him.

Jack: Are you seriously cheering for someone because he smiled on his way out to the ring?

Richards pushes himself away from the ropes.
Greg snaps off several stiff kicks to Richards' legs.

Thomas: That's the ticket!

Greg follows with a spin kick.  Richards goes down!

Thomas: Get him!

Greg makes the cover.

1...

2...

Kick Out!

Thomas: Only a two!

Jack: We saw.

As Richards sits up, Greg unloads with a sliding forearm, but Richards drops, rolling safely out of the way.

Thomas: That was so close!

Jack: Close doesn't count.

Both men roll to their feet.  Greg throws a right hand, but Richards goes low, kicking Greg just above his knee.  Greg stumbles forward a bit...

Richards gets a hold of Greg's head.  Richards jumps... People Make My Hea-
NO!  Greg pushes Richards away!  Richards crashes onto the mat!

Thomas: Hicks counters!

Jack: We saw.

Holding his stomach, Richards writhes on the mat.  Greg runs to the corner.

Thomas: What's he doing?

Jack: Whatever it is, it doesn't look smart.

Greg jumps into the corner.  Moonsault from the second turnbuckle!
Richards rolls out of the way!
Greg crashes to the mat!
Thomas: He missed it!
Richards rolls up Greg from behind!  
Thomas: Roll up!
1...
Richards clearly has Greg's tights!
2...
Thomas: The tights, ref!  The tights!
3!!!
Greg's kick out is an instant late.

Thomas: Daniel Richards steals one!

Jack: A win is a win.

Thomas: It's tainted!

Jack: I'm sure he'll take it.

Richards jumps to his feet.  He pumps his fist in triumph.  
Greg Hicks rolls to his feet.  He tries to plead with the ref, but the ref will have none of it.  

Thomas: Hicks has a valid complaint.  

Jack: No referee on the planet is going to overturn a decision like that.

Richards starts taunting Greg, but Greg continues to plead with the referee.  

Thomas: Just go away, Richards!

Apparently unhappy that the attention isn't on him, Richards spins Greg around and shouts in his face.

Jack: Richards has a valid complaint.

Thomas: What are you talking about?!

Jack: He's upset that due to Greg's whining, the referee hasn't raised the actual winner's hand yet.  

Thomas: That's ridiculous!

Greg looks ready to argue with Richards, but Richards shoves Greg.  Richards steps forward and shoves Greg again.

Thomas: Enough already!  You already cheating!  Stop being a bully!

Richards goes to shove Greg again, but Greg has had enough.  Greg snaps off a vicious kick... Freebird Flash!!!

Thomas: Greg Hicks just laid out Daniel Richards!

Jack: Are you going to accuse him of being a sore loser?

Thomas: Richards brought it on himself.

Jack: I knew you were going to say that.

Thomas: At least Hicks got even with style!

Jack: I can't imagine that Daniel Richards is going to take this assault lying down.

Thomas: That's exactly what he's doing!  HAHA!

The scene shifts backstage to what must be the largest, most luxurious office in all of Nova Scotia.
Or at least in all of Tatamagouche, but that doesn't sound nearly as impressive.  NSFW's GM, the highly esteemed Dan, sits behind a massive mahogany desk.  He's reclined in his really nifty office chair, with his new shoes resting atop the desk.  Dan's smiling that knowing smile only appropriate for those living the high life.  

Dan's dreamy contentment is interrupted by an obnoxious pounding on the door.  Sighing and muttering unflattering things under his breath, he slides his feet off the desk.

Who is it?

A pause is followed by more knocking.

Damn it.  What do you want?!

More knocking.

Open the door!!

There's a long pause.  The handle shakes and then nothing.
More knocking follows.

The door isn't locked!!

Staggering out of his chair, Dan nearly falls as he makes his way toward the door.

This had better be important!

Grabbing the doorknob, Dan turns it and opens it easily.

How fu-

Dan trails off when he finds himself staring at the Eager Beaver!!

Christ, I know I didn't rehire you.

Reaching behind his back, the Eager Beaver pulls out a sheet of paper.  Dan snatches it and takes a look.  

Fucking Sikes... I'm going to make him pay for this.

The Eager Beaver gives Dan a big thumbs up.  

Just go away.

Beaver shakes his head.  He flexes a little before pointing at Dan.

I don't understand idiot.

Beaver points at Dan again and then at himself.  Then Beaver points down the hall.

I don't give a shit if someone fell down a well.  Go away!

The Eager Beaver shakes his head again.  He points toward his eye and then at Dan.  Then Beaver claps a few times before doing a fist pump.  

I should have insisted on having a shotgun in my office.

The Eager Beaver starts raising the roof.  Then he breaks into something that might be the Hokey Pokey.  

What do you want from me?!  Do you want me to wish you luck in your match?!  Is that it?!?!?!!

Beaver nods thirty-seven times.  He gives Dan a double thumbs up.

Fine!  Good luck!  Now, go away!

The Eager Beaver gives Dan a massive hug, going so far as to lift him off the floor.

Put me down!!

Beaver drops Dan.

I gave you what you wanted!  Now go away!

The Eager Beaver grabs Dan and gives him a big kiss.  Beaver spins and runs down the hall fist pumping.  Dan glares.  

The camera fades.

Jack: I fear for the coming generation.  

Thomas: The Eager Beaver just wanted some encouragement!

Jack: That looked dangerously close to sexual harassment.  

Thomas: Lighten up!

Jack: It's difficult to maintain good humor amidst this running freak show.

Imaginations from the Other Side hits.  The Dungeon Master Tyler Lynch steps through the curtains.  He's wearing the sort of long, white robe that a wizard might wear.  The hood is up.  In one hand, he wields a simple oak staff.    

Jack: You've got to be kidding me.

Thomas: That's freaking sweet!  Where can I get one?

As he heads for the ring, he waves the staff around himself, all the while shaking his other fist.  Once he reaches the ring, he flips his wrist, tossing a pair of twenty-sided dice into the ring.  He slides in after them to check his rolls, and perhaps gleam some insight into his upcoming match.  

Thomas: This is incredible!

Jack: It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

Finally satisfied, he retrieves the dice and pushes himself to his feet.  He hands the dice to the referee for sake keeping before removing his robe.  

Jack: We've already hit a new low.


The Beaver Song plays.  The Eager Beaver dashes through the curtains, jumping up and down and generally behaving strangely.  About halfway to the ring, he drops to his hands and scurries along on all fours for several feet before sliding under the bottom rope.  He springs to his feet and dances around.  The actual dance steps appear random.  

Jack: I stand corrected.  This is worse.

The Eager Beaver and the Dungeon Master engage in an epic stare down!

Jack: I really might need to quit this job.

The Superman Theme  hits.  All 4'7” of small furry...um, man sort of...with a giant nose is strutting down the hall wearing blue tights with red Underoos over the top and a cape that says "Mex" inside the Superman logo.  Gordon Mexicola appears to be grinning...but his face may always look like that.  When I say furry, I mean covered from head to toe in thick fur.

Jack: I'm going to punch whoever put this match together.

Thomas: You need to stop taking everything so seriously.

Jack: In the face.

Thomas: Calm down.

Jack: Twice.

Gordon slides into the ring.  The three guys stare at each other for a long moment.

Jack: If they don't do something soon, I'm going to kick their freak asses myself.

The Eager Beaver finally points at Gordon.  Beaver grabs his belly and starts simulating a hearty, belly laugh.  The Dungeon Master looks at Gordon as if expecting him to cast a spell or something equally ridiculous.  

That's when Gordon starts kicking Beaver in his shins!  

Thomas: Here we go!

Jack: Make it stop.

The Dungeon Master just stands there watching.  Beaver throws a right hand, but Gordon sweeps his legs out from under him.  Beaver falls onto his back.  Gordon jumps on top.  

Thomas: The first pin attempt of the match!

The DM grabs Gordon and pulls him away from Beaver, but Gordon spins around and blasts the DM in his face, knocking him backward.  Gordon falls on top of the DM!

Thomas: And another!

Jack: Just stop.

The ref slides to make the count.

1...
Kick Out.

The Eager Beaver runs over and goes for the Tail Thump!! Gordon moves out of the way, but Beaver lands right on the DM!

Thomas: Smart move by Gordon there.

Before Beaver thinks to get up, Gordon snaps off a savage Buzzsaw Kick!!

Thomas: That might do it!

Dan: I hope so.

Gordon cover the Eager Beaver.

1...

2...

Thr- The Dungeon Master makes the save!!

Gordon scrambles to his feet.  He runs against the ropes.

Thomas: Mistake!

Jack: How are you still watching?

The Dungeon Master levels Gordon with a twisting clothesline.  

Thomas: Such intense, fast paced action!

Jack: I hope that means it ends soon.

The DM pushes himself to his feet.  He spins, looking for the Eager Beaver.

Beaver goes low... Tree Choppin' the DM!!
Thomas: Beaver takes down the DM!

Jack: I'm tired of watching this.

The Eager Beaver crawls to his feet.  He sees Gordon getting up, so he shoves the short guy violently to the mat.

Thomas: They're bullying Gordon!

Jack: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

Beaver runs to the corner.  He climbs.

Thomas: The Eager Beaver is looking for something big!

The Eager Beaver comes off the top... Buck-Toothed Bi-
The Dungeon Master rolls out of the way!!
Beaver bounces hard.  

Thomas: No one's home!

Jack: I can't believe they're actually calling this wrestling.

Dazed, Beaver tries to get up.  Gordon runs over and grabs him... El Lobo Driver!!!
Thomas: That'll do it!

Jack: How was that physically possible?!

Gordon makes the cover.

1...

2...

Thre- The Dungeon Master drags Gordon away!!

Thomas: Only a two

Jack: Ugh.

Gordon springs onto the DM, flailing away with his stubby arms.

Thomas: Even I'm not sure what to make of this.

The Dungeon Master hoists Gordon into the air... Dungeon Drop!!

Jack: That almost looked like a wrestling move!

Thomas: The Dungeon Master is in control!

Jack: Nerd.

Still senseless, the Eager Beaver struggles to get up.  The DM spots him... Scintillating Shaman!!!

Thomas: Amazing!

Jack: He might have dented that stupid fake head.

Thomas: Who's wearing a fake head?!

Jack: ...

The Dungeon Master makes the cover.

1...

2...

3!!!

Thomas: The Dungeon Master wins!

Jack: Isn't that the sign of a poorly run game?

Thomas: What are you talking about?

Jack: Forget it.

Thomas: What?

Jack: Nothing.

Thomas: What is your problem?

Jack: I'm being told that we need to cut backstage.  Maybe this will shut Thomas up for a minute.

Thomas: I don't un-

Hi...

Noah Reid is standing backstage and has a deer in the headlights moment as he realizes that he's on camera again...it's been a while...but he quickly recovers.

Noah Reid here, and I'm backstage with the NSFW sensation, Tatamagouche's own, Justin Freebourne!  It's a pleasure to meet you, Justin!

Justin's smile is as wide and pearly as ever, his eyes twinkling like dreamy hazel diamonds, his cheeks a hue so rosy they'd make Santa Claus jealous.  If he's suffering any ill effects from the beating he suffered at the hands of Don Ramos last week, he's hiding it well.

What do you mean?  We've known each other for years, Noah...I played little league with your little brother Donovan...

Uh...I know I was just trying to...sound professional, Justin.

Oh.

Well then nice to meet you too!

Last week you had a great match against the ginormous Don Ramos, but ultimately came up...short.

Hah!  Good one!

Good what?

You were making a pun right?  About how much shorter than Ramos I am?

Oh...yeah!  Ha!

Yeah by golly, Ramos is a major league competitor and it was a pleasure to lock up with him...but like you said...he's just so big!  I tried my best, but to all my fans out there sorry I couldn't pull it off.

I'm sure no one could possibly think any less of you after that performance.  For a while there I thought you were going to beat him!

Really?  Did it look like it?

Yeah!

Cool...because from inside the ring it never looked very good for me.

Oh. ...but tonight you'll face off against another native son of Tatamagouche, Bags!

Yeah!  I'm really looking forward to this one.  Bags has done really well for himself in ELITE and has improved a lot.  Um...but his...new style of...um...wrestling I don't...well um...approve of.

You mean, having a gang of goons backing him up?

Yeah!  I mean it's great that he's made so many good friends, because he was always kind of a loner around town...but why do they have to get involved in his matches?

Suddenly Bags, The Desert Asp, and Jack Fellow enter the scene.  Bags shoves Justin back a step and scowls at him.

Who said you were allowed to talk about me...punk.  Everyone knows that I'm the best wrestler to ever come out of Tatamagouche...EVER.  You were always just an effemanate little bitch running around town, getting chased by girls.  Nothings changed.  And this Sunday, I'm going to punk you out just like Don Ramos did.  Only I'm going to show...no mercy.  This match...is In the Bag.

Bags shoves Justin again as he walks off, Asp gives Justin another shove as he follows and Jack feints a lunge at Noah making him flinch.  J Crew walks off laughing and Justin sticks out his lower lip and dusts off his V neck NSFW t-shirt (hey, where's he a get a V neck NSFW shirt?  We make those?).

What a jerk.

Noah looks at Justin in shock...the Justin he knows just doesn't say things like that.  Doesn't insult people...

What?  It's the truth.  You open up a dictionary and look up Jerk Jerky Jerkface McJerkersons and you'll see a picture of Bags.

Well...not really, kids...I'm just kidding...but if I made a dictionary you can bet that's be in there.  I'll show him...I'll show everyone that Justin Freebourne is the best wrestler in Tatamagouche.

What?  I don't want to sound brash but...I think it's the truth.  And I think I can beat Bags even if his friends get involved.  Because I've got the fans behind me and because I'm fighting for whats right!

What that?

Whats what?

Whats right?

Um...standing up for yourself and fighting your own battles!  And being a good decent human being!  Following the golden rule!  Being nice to animals!  Helping the less fortunate!  Respecting your elders!  And...-

Um, Justin...sorry.  I'm being told to wrap it up.  A match is about to start.

Oh!  How exciting!  I'm going to go watch it on a monitor, want to watch it with me?

Sure!  Oh...wait...I've got more work to do.

Oh.  Well then Freebourne OUT!

Thomas: Good stuff!

Jack: Whoever decided to stick those irritating children together is getting a call from my therapist.

Thomas: You have a therapist?

Jack: I'm going to need one now.

Thomas: You complain too much!

Jack: I can't wait for Bags to give that annoying kid a beating, and I don't even like Bags!

Thomas: I think Justin is going to surprise you!

Jack: By hitting puberty?

Thomas: He's taking Bags down tonight!

Jack: What's the rent for a room in that fantasy world of yours?
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